


The Return

by WispyWillows11



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Adorable, After Game, Anal Sex, Angst, Bisexual Ashley, Bisexual Chris, Bottom Josh, Chris - Freeform, Chris and Josh, Climbing Class, Cute, Cute Dorks, Dorks, Dorks in Love, Emily until dawn, Emily/Matt Hate, Everybody Lives, Everyone is sad and everything is a mess, Exorcised Josh, Fluff, Gay Josh, Healing, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Jess until dawn - Freeform, Josh - Freeform, Josh Lives, Josh until dawn, Kissing, Lots of fluff actually, Love, M/M, Matt until dawn, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Michael monroe - Freeform, Mike and Jess, Mike/Jess - Freeform, Oral Sex, Platonic Sam and Josh, Possible Ashley and Sam, Romance, Sadness, Sam until dawn, Sam/Ashley - Freeform, Sex, Slow Burn, Tags Are Fun, Top Chris, Uh-oh, Until Dawn - Freeform, Wendigo, Wendigo Josh, after the game, chris until dawn - Freeform, exorJosh, horror games, joshua washington - Freeform, kiss, lesbian sam, love these dudes, love these two, relationships, slow burn?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-07-26 09:46:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7569421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WispyWillows11/pseuds/WispyWillows11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The mountain changed things. It changed everything, actually. The dynamic of the group, the friendships, the friends themselves. It was all different. </p><p>For one thing, they were missing a member of the group. Matt, Emily, Ashley, Mike, Jess, Sam, and Chris are still alive, but who knows what happened to Josh down in the mines? Mike saw him being dragged away by the Wendigo with the butterfly tattoo barely visible on her arm and the group doesn't know what became of the eldest Washington child. </p><p>That is, until Chris receives word from Josh's mother that Josh has been found, alive and well. Actually, alive and well might not be the best term for what Josh currently is. Even if everyone else isn't sure what how to treat Josh after everything that happened, Chris is determined to make sure that his best friend knows how much he is truly loved.</p><p>In more ways than one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Call

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So, I'm obsessed with Until Dawn and Climbing Class is to die for (pun not intended, but hey, it works) so here is my take on exor!Josh! If you like this, leave Kudos and comments! Let me know what you think :)

After the dozens of police and news interviews and after they were finally allowed to go home, things were bad for a while, for everyone.

Matt and Emily were beyond reconciliation, what with Emily wholly believing that Matt abandoned her in the mines, when the reality was simply the opposite. When Matt had tried to save Emily and when he dove onto the platform that saved him, the first thing he did was think of a plan to get to Emily. After shooting the Wendigo with the flare gun and scaring it off, Matt had wandered through the mines, trying to find Emily, hoping and praying that she was somehow still alive. When he found Jessica (after she had attacked him), in only her underwear and a jacket and looking like she'd been to Hell and back, he knew that he needed to help her get out of the mines. After hiding from the Wendigo and surviving, he was going to try and find Emily, but authorities had already arrived, informing them that everyone but Josh had been recovered and were alive. Matt had been so relieved, thanking his lucky stars that Emily had survived, but she didn't want anything to do with him. She couldn't even look at him at the police station. Couldn't, or wouldn't, no one knew.

Jessica and Mike were alright. Well, as alright as they could be after what they'd gone through. When they returned home after being interviewed by police, Jess had just broken down in tears, collapsing on the floor in a sobbing mess. Mike had held her, pressing a kiss into her hair. He had brought her to bed and covered her in a mound of blankets and whispered soothing and comforting phrases to her, not really knowing how else to help Jess in her current state. Mike's own mental state was not exactly stable at the moment. When she was finally asleep, fresh tears were still on her cheeks. Mike had slipped out of bed and into the bathroom, expelling bile into the toilet. He wretched and after he'd finished, he lay there in the bathroom, arms wrapped around himself, trying not to break down. After weeks of not leaving the house, it was finally Jess who decided that they need to go out and see their friends, get acclimated back into life in the real world, not their perfect little bubble.

Sam went home to her family after police investigations and sobbed to her parent's about all that had happened. They attempted to comfort her, not knowing what to say as they were not on that mountain and did not understand what all she had gone through. Sam's older sister Hailey flew in from New York to see Sam, somewhat understanding what it's like going through a traumatic experience; Hailey was in a hostage situation at a bank a while back. Sam cried to Hailey about everything that she experienced, from being chased through the lodge by what she thought was a deranged serial killer and almost being ripped to shreds by Wendigos to being betrayed by a good friend and worrying about losing her closest friends. Hailey doesn't know if she believes her about the Wendigo, but she nods along and comforts her sister in any way she can. When it'd been a few weeks, Sam tried to contact Mike and see if he wanted to grab a coffee and talk, but no, he did not. Neither did Jess, Emily, Matt, Ashley, or Chris.

Chris and Ashley were okay after being released from police custody. They returned to Chris' apartment and stay up all night, crying and grieving for everything that they'd lost. Ashley calmed down before Chris did and she attempted to comfort him, allowing him to slide into her lap and she stroked his hair as he sobbed over losing Josh. He mumbled incoherencies Ashley couldn't understand, but she knew that Chris was blaming himself for losing Josh. It was no one's fault, but being Josh's best friend, Chris felt as though he should've seen Josh breaking and drowning and should've been able to have stopped what happened. He knew that it's ridiculous, but that didn't mean that it doesn't keep him up at night and give him nightmares. After the first night of crying and attempts at healing, Ashley and Chris drifted apart over the next couple months. It's not something that happened consciously. It just happened naturally and neither really noticed until it was a Friday night and Chris was playing video games in his cold apartment and Ashley was watching a movie in hers and neither party thinks of the other. After everything that happened on the mountain, they just naturally drifted apart and their feelings evaporated. They both needed to be alone to truly heal.

All of them needed to heal, but that would take time and that's why they all went their separate ways for a while. Besides Jess and Mike staying together, no one really sees each other anymore. Besides Sam, no one really attempted to contact each other and it all made sense to them not, to; seeing each other after what happened would only remind them of what happened and that was too much for them right away, so soon after what happened.

Chris was the most devastated by what happened and by far the one who felt the guiltiest. That feeling of guilt sat in his stomach like a rock, and he carried it with him wherever he went. He missed Josh; he knew what Josh had done was a shitty thing, but Chris didn't blame him for it. Josh had a mental illness, several, actually, and it wasn't really him that had played that awful prank on everyone. His mental illnesses coupled with the fact that his medication wasn't the correct one made him act irrationally and do things he never would've if he had been on the correct medication. Josh had also been angry and depressed over what had happened to his sisters, and rightfully so. He had wanted revenge as anyone would who had lost so much would've; he wanted payback. Chris understood. It obviously wasn't okay what he did, but Chris knew why he did it. Who knows, Chris might've done the same thing if he was in his shoes.

But he won't know if he would've done that. He also won't know what was going through Josh's head as he was dragged away by his sister-turned-Wendigo, down into the depths of those frigid mines. Josh feared isolation, and to be dragged away by Hannah, only to be ripped to shreds and die alone, with no one to hold him, made Chris sick just to think about. He wishes he had been there to comfort him, to be the one to hold him and make him feel loved. He wishes he had forgiven Josh for what he did before he was taken. He also wished he had told Josh how much he meant to him before Josh was lost to the mines. Chris wished for a lot of things.

He feels more and more awful with each passing day. That is, he does until a year and a half after the events of Mount Washington when he receives word from Josh's mother Melinda Washington that Josh is alive.

Chris is playing World of Warcraft when he gets the call and for a split second he thinks about not answering. Then he sees that it is Melinda and his brow furrows. He presses "talk" on his phone and answers hesitantly, "Hi, Mrs. Washington. What's up?"

"Hello, Christopher." Her voice is tired and strained, but it still sounds like Melinda's. "How are you doing?"

"As well as can be expected, I guess," Chris says truthfully. "How have you been, Mrs. Washington?"

"The same as you," she sighs. "And Chris, I know I've told you many times to call me Melinda, haven't I?"

"Sorry, Mrs. Wa- Melinda," Chris corrects himself. "If I may ask, what is the reason for this call? Not that it isn't great to speak with you."

Melinda chuckles through the phone. "Yes, of course." She clears her throat and Chris can tell that this conversation is going to take a drastic turn; in what way, he doesn't know and isn't sure that he wants to. "Chris, they found Josh."

Chris's heart stops and his blood runs cold. He finds it suddenly very hard to breathe and is having trouble forming words at the moment.

"Chris? Are you still there?" Melinda's voice hits Chris' ears.

"U-Um, yes, I-I am," Chris stutters, throwing his controller to the floor and rising from the couch. He starts to pace. "So, i-is he... alive?"

"Yes."

Chris exhales a long breath. "Oh, thank God. How is he? What happened?"

"He's doing okay. We actually found him a few months back, but he just recently started showing real results. When we found, him, though..." Melinda hesitates. "He... he was like a wild animal."

"How so?"

"Well, for one thing he was devouring a human being."

Chris gasps and his stomach drops. "Wh-What?"

"It was a park ranger who had gone down into the mines at the behest of Sam," Melinda explains. "It was horrible; when the search team found him, he was snarling and his eyes were wild and bloodshot. His mouth... his mouth was ripped up the right side and was full of these sharp fangs and there were cuts all over his face. His nails, more like claws, were sharp and bloody. There was blood everywhere.

"When they found him, he started to attack one of the officers, so they had to knock him out with a tranquilizer. He was then carted off to the nearest hospital and they attempted to treat him. They didn't know what to do, because whenever he would awake, he would try to attack the doctors and staff. He was insatiable. No one knew what to do.

"Until Bob started to do research. He had made a horror movie about Wendigos before, and that's what he thought Josh had turned into. I thought he was crazy, but Bob found some lore that said that the Wendigo spirit can be exorcised from people that had been turned. We needed a Native American Chief for this. The doctors didn't know what to do, so they let the Chief perform the exorcism.

"Oh, it was horrible, Chris. He needed to be awake for it to work, so the doctors stopped sedating him. When he was awake, he was insane. He snarled and spit, trying to break free from the restraints. The Chief said an Ojibwe spell and Josh began to spasm and shake; he seemed to be in so much pain. He arched his back and his eyes crossed. It was terrifying. When the Chief finished saying the spell, he splashed some liquid on Josh and threw this red powder on him. I probably sound very offensive right now, but I just don't know what he did. I just wanted him to save my son.

"And it worked. After he threw the powder on Josh, he sat up abruptly. His eyes rolled back in his head and he threw back his head, letting out this inhuman scream. It sounded like a pig's screech mixed with a bat's mixed with God knows what else. Eventually, though, the scream changed and morphed and it started sounding like Josh's own voice. When the scream completely sounded like Josh again, he fell back against the bed and his eyes fell shut. We looked to the Chief and he said that it was gone. Josh was back and the Wendigo's spirit was gone.

"The Chief said that Josh will remember what he did in pieces, so right now he might not remember what happened. He will remember everything up until he was turned. So, he'll remember H-Hannah, or, that thing, dragging him into the mines and then nothing, because that's when the spirit possessed him. That's what gave him the hunger and made him...eat that ranger.

"So that's how our last couple months have been."

Chris doesn't know what to say to that but he knows that he should say something. "Oh my God."

Melinda laughs. "That's a very eloquent sentence you put together, there, Christopher."

"S-Sorry, it's just a-alot to take in," Chris says. "B-But he's okay?"

"Yes. He's alive and coming along nicely. When the spirit left him, they were able to sew up the cuts on his forehead, cheeks, and up the side of his face. There were some cuts up and down his stomach that we think Hannah made. Those and the one on the side of his face won't look the best, but he's healing. Slowly, but surely. He's been home for a week now and he just today said that he feels up to seeing people. So, you were the first one to call."

Chris blushes. "O-Oh, thank-you for thinking of me. Um, do you know when I can see him?"

"He has a therapy session tomorrow, but Friday should work. Are you available then?"

"Yep, I am." Even if he isn't free, he would've cancelled whatever he had going on to see Josh at this point. He's missed him so much.

"Great. Well, we will see you then," Melinda says. "It was nice speaking with you. Josh will be ecstatic when he hears he gets to see you."

"I'm really happy I get to see him, too," Chris replies, smiling widely. "I'll see you Friday, Mrs.-Melinda."

"See you, then, Christopher."

Chris hears the "end call" tone and he slips his phone into his pocket. He sits back down on his couch and puts his head in his hands, processing everything that he's just been told. As he mulls the information over, one thing stands out in his mind: Josh is alive. That was the only information that mattered.

A thought creeps into his mind, and Chris's spirits drop; Josh was alive, this entire time. He could've been saved. _Chris_ could've saved him. He should've assumed that Josh was alive until he knew that wasn't the case, right? He should've gone down there! He could've saved him... But Chris was a coward and just wanted out of that lodge and off of that mountain. Chris was selfish and Josh suffered because of it. Chris would never forgive himself for that.

For as long as he lived.

But he was absolutely thrilled that he gets to see Josh and even happier that Josh wants to see him, too. A strange feeling slithers into the pit of his stomach and Chris doesn't know what this feeling is. Wait, yes, he does. It's how he used to feel about Ashley back when he had a crush on her, back before they drifted apart.

But, does that mean...no. No way. Chris was just excited to see Josh. Yeah, that's it. Nothing more. ...Right? Yes, of course. He was excited to see his best friend that he hasn't seen in a year and a half. That's what this feeling is.

Chris tries (and fails) to convince himself that that's all this feeling is and he goes back to his video games. Now distracted by thoughts of Josh, Chris decides to contact Sam and talk to her about Josh. He dials her number and waits for her to pick up. It takes a while and Chris jumps when he hears a tired, "Hello?" from the other side of the line.

"Hey, Sam. It's Chris," he says.

"Oh, hey, Chris." Sam's voice sounds a bit cheerier when she realizes it's him. "How have you been?"

"Um, I've been doing okay. And you?"

"Not the best, to be honest," Sam admits. "It's been hard, but my sister's been really supportive with this whole thing. Parents have been, too."

"My dad doesn't believe me," Chris says. "I bet my mom would've; she believed in that supernatural shit. It would've been nice if she was here."

"Yeah, I bet," Sam agrees. "It's nice to talk to you, but may I ask why you called?"

"I'm not sure if Melinda called you, but they found Josh."

Silence is the only thing that meets Chris' ears. "Sam?"

"Why didn't she call me?"

"What?" "She didn't call me."

"Well, I know that Josh isn't ready to see a ton of people just yet and she probably figured that you would race right over if you found out Josh was alive."

Sam sighs. "That's true. Okay, that makes sense. What happened to him?"

"It's a long story. I can tell you later, though. I just wanted to let you that he's alive."

"Thanks for telling me. Can you let me know when he's up for seeing more people?"

"For sure."

"Thanks, Chris, and thanks for calling me. Tell him that everyone is thinking about him."

"But the others don't know he's alive."

"Tell him anyways. I bet he needs to hear it."

Chris hangs up and bites his lip. He assumed that Melinda would've told the others about Josh. He felt bad at how upset Sam got, but he also felt happy that Chris was the only one Melinda told.

He actually hasn't felt this happy in a long time. Hasn't felt this happy since the mountain. And it was all because of Josh. Chris's heart sores at just the thought of seeing Josh.

It's going to seem like forever until it's Friday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys who like it would review, I'D LOVE YOU FOREVER


	2. The Visit

It seems like an eternity passes as Chris makes the cold, snowy drive up to Josh's house. Chris listens to some random radio station, a pop one (Chris is obsessed with pop music, believe it or not), and bites a nail, stressed and nervous about seeing Josh again. Why wouldn't he be? The last time he had seen him, he had berated him and been quite cruel to him. Not that Josh had been a saint that night, but Chris still felt bad; that was his best friend,  after all.

Chris is nervous to see how Josh looked, too. The cuts Melinda had described would leave some nasty scars and Chris doesn't want to stare or make Josh feel uncomfortable. That's the last thing that Chris wants to do.

Chris wants to make Josh feel loved and safe. After having been down in those mines for so long and after having been through so much, he wants to be there for Josh in every way he can. Josh has started to heal, yes, but it will be a long time before he is back to normal. Or whatever version of normal Josh can be.

When Chris finally arrives at the Washington residence, a fluttery feeling fills the pit of his stomach. Whether it's simply nerves or something else entirely, Chris isn't quite sure. Chris exits his car and zips up his coat as he makes his way up to the front door of the Washington Manor. He knocks on the door and shoves his hands in his pockets as he waits for the door to be answered.

Melinda answers the door, still in a bathrobe and with hair still a bit messy. "Oh, hello, Christopher!"

"Hey, Mrs. Washington."

Melinda cocks an eyebrow.

"Hey, _Melinda._ "

Melinda smiles. "That's better. I'm sorry I am not properly dressed; I may have forgotten that you were coming over today."

"Oh," Chris says. "Is this a bad time?" Chris prays not.

"No, no, it's fine. Josh has already eaten, gotten ready, and taken his medication so it's completely fine to see him."

Chris exhales. "Oh, good!" He says a little too enthusiastically.

"Well, you know the way. I've told him that you'll be here to visit him today," Melinda exclaims. "He was extremely excited when I told him."

"I am, too."

"Stay as long as you wish, Christopher."

"Thanks, Melinda. For doing this. I really appreciate it."

Melinda smiles. "Of course. Just seeing the way Josh's face lit up when I mentioned your name let me know I made the right decision. I haven't seen him so happy about something since he returned."

Chris goes scarlet and clears his throat. "U-Uh, good. I'm glad I could help."

Chris stands there awkwardly and Melinda cocks her eyebrow at him again. "Did you want to see him?"

Chris snaps out of it and nods. "Oh, y-yeah! I'll d-do that."

Melinda smiles and heads toward the direction of the kitchen, leaving Chris to head upstairs to Josh's room. Chris ascends the grand staircase covered in Persian carpeting and starts to sweat, suddenly rethinking the long sleeve shirt, sweater, _and_ parka he wears. He sheds the jacket and hangs it over his arm as he makes his way back into the house, towards Josh's room. He takes the right hallway and pauses when he gets to the last door on the right. He takes a deep breath and gently grabs the doorknob, turning it and pushing it open.

The room is bathed in light. It looks exactly as Chris remembers it: classic horror movie posters are taped up on the wall ( _Texas Chainsaw Massacre_ , _The Exorcist_ , and _Night of the living Dead_ to name a few). The giant television is still propped up on a stand and it's set up before Josh's bed which still bears the same blue plaid bedspread that he's had for years. His closet is a disaster as always: t-shirts are in unorganized piles on the top shelf, button-ups hang haphazardly off hangers, shoes are thrown into the bottom of the closet, not paired up with each other at all. And sitting at the wooden desk, which is covered in notebooks, Post-It notes, journals, wrappers, pencils, books, and God knows what else, is Josh, headphones in, writing in a journal, and completely oblivious to the fact that Chris has entered the room and also that he has a giant grin plastered on his face.

Josh turns a page in his journal and as he turns his head to the side, he finally sees Chris, standing there in his room. Josh rips out his headphones and rises out of his chair, a smile tugging at the sides of his lips.

"Josh," Chris breathes.

Josh grins. "Hey, Cochise."

Chris stalks over to Josh and wraps his arms around Josh's torso, enveloping him in a tight hug. Chris closes his eyes and can't help but breathe in Josh's scent; he smells like mint and his hair smells of citrus. Chris buries his face in Josh's neck and lets out a deep breath, causing Josh to blush and his stomach to flip.

"W-Wow, Cochise, you r-really missed me that much?" Josh laughs, patting Chris on the back.

"So much," Chris mumbles into Josh's neck and Josh's toes curl at the movement of soft lips against his skin.

Chris and Josh stand there for a solid minute, just holding each other, before Chris realizes how long they've been doing this and he releases Josh from his steely grip.

Chris rakes a hand through his hair and laughs. "S-Sorry. Guess I didn't realize _how_ much I missed you."

"Nah, no worries, man," Josh waves a hand dismissively at Chris.

Chris takes Josh in. The bags under his eyes appear more defined and darker than they usually are. He's lost quite a big of weight; his sweatpants sit low on his hips and Chris notices that his hipbones are bonier than usual. His arms are skinnier, too. He looks different, yes, but it's still Josh.

For the first time, Chris notices the jagged scar that goes from the side of Josh's lips up to his right cheekbone. It's healed as best as it could, but it's still pretty visible right now. The other scars, the ones on his left cheek and forehead, Chris barely sees and he tries not to stare at the more obvious one that runs up the right side of Josh's face.

He fails to do this, and Josh chuckles. "Pretty sick, right?"

"Oh, I didn't mean to-"

Josh shrugs. "It's okay. It's hard not to stare at. It's kinda' the first thing you see."

"I just see you," Chris smiles softly. "I was so relieved when I heard they found you, Josh."

"Yeah, I was pretty fucked up when they found me, apparently," Josh replies, staring at the floor. "Like horror-flick-fucked-up."

"That wasn't you, though."

Silence.

"Josh?"

"Chris, I killed someone."

Josh won't look at Chris. Chris sits down on Josh's bed and Josh joins him begrudgingly.

"Josh, that wasn't you that did that. You did what you had to to survive. And besides, doesn't the Wendigo posses someone and _make_ them eat people or something like that?"

"It's either that or when a person resorts to cannibalism, the Wendigo possesses them," Josh explains. "The lore doesn't say what causes it exactly. But the thing is, I don't _remember_ eating anyone. All I remember is being dragged away by Hannah, waking up, and being in this dark, dank place with a dead body at my feet.

"Hannah never came back for me and I was so messed up, I had no clue what to do. I just figured that I should wait until help came."

Chris bites his lip. I _should've came_ , he thinks.

"But it never did. Not for a long time at least. There was no food or anything down there. I tried to last for as long as I could but it was so terrible, Chris. I was starving, _actually_ starving. Some of my hair started to fall out, my skin started to crack. And the _hunger_ , oh my God, it was so bad. At first, it started as a dull ache and turned into a stabbing pain in my stomach. It felt like knives were being twisted into my gut, deeper and deeper. I was vomiting my stomach lining, I could barely walk; it was _really_ bad.

"At one point, after I'd just finished vomiting for the fourth time that day, I looked over at the dead body, five feet from me. It was decaying and disgusting, but at that moment, it looked as good as a fucking Christmas ham. I remember looking at him, that body, and then nothing."

"And that's when the spirit possessed you."

"I guess so," Josh shrugs. "But, I mean, it was by m-my hands that some poor r-ranger is dead. I-I did it. I killed them and... ate them. Oh, God." Josh visibly pales at the thought of this. "I'm just glad that I don't remember doing it."

"You don't remember doing it because it wasn't really you, Josh. You had no control over what you were doing."

"Chris, because of me, someone is dead. Yeah, I didn't consciously kill them, but they died by my hand." Josh sighs and wraps his arms around himself. "I'll never forgive myself for that."

"You were basically brainwashed, man!" Chris exclaims, trying to reassure his friend. "You couldn't help doing that. Something terrible happened to you, but it wasn't your fault."

"It wasn't all bad, I guess; I got this super cool scar." Josh changes the subject and points to the right side of his face. "That's how to get the ladies. _And_ the gents. Which is the gender _I_ would be interested in."

Chris forces a laugh, but a wave of jealousy washes over him. He didn't want to think about Josh being with other people in that way. Wait, but why? He pushes the thought aside.

"Well, how are you feeling now?" Chris asks.

Josh shrugs. "Um, better. I mean, I get nightmares a lot. Of the Wendigos, of my sisters..."

"You have nightmares about them?"

"Yeah. They tell me I could've saved them and then they drag me down into the mines. It's terrifying."

Chris puts a gentle hand on Josh's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Josh. You've gone through so much."

"I deserve it, though."

Chris looks at him quizzically. "What?"

Josh looks down at the floor again. "For what I did to all of you guys. It was awful. And I caused this. Everything that happened. If it wasn't for my stupid plan, none of this would've happened. It was my fault and I got what I deserved."

"Josh," Chris shakes his head, "You didn't do this. Who would've know that there were fucking Wendigos on your property or that they even existed in the first place?"

"But if I wouldn't have invited everyone up-"

"Do you blame Hannah for her and Beth's death?"

Josh looks up at Chris. "What?"

"Because, I mean, Hannah did invite everyone up to the lodge, right?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"It's no different. What you did was shitty, I will give you that, but Josh, none of this was your fault. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Simple as that. And besides; your mom said that the doctor you went to had given you the wrong medication, so, really, even the prank wasn't your fault."

"So, y-you... you don't blame me?"

Chris smiles. "No way."

Josh smiles sadly. "Well, that makes one of us."

Chris sighs and decides to change the subject. "Josh, I just wanna' say that, uh, I'm sorry."

Josh returns the quizzical look Chris had given him earlier with an equally confused one. "For what?"

"For not coming to find you."

"Chris-"

"No, I should've looked for you. I mean, Mike saw you get dragged away by Hannah but he never saw you die. I should've assumed-"

"Of course you assumed I was dead! Hell, I thought I was going to die!" Josh exclaims. "I was dragged away by a Wendigo; people usually don't bounce back from that."

"I should've looked for you anyway. You're my best friend and I should've done more."

"Chris, I'm glad you didn't try to find me."

"Why?"

"Because you'd probably be dead right now. Some Wendigo woulda' taken you down."

"Yeah, right!" Chris laughs. "I could have taken 'em on!"

Josh cocks an eyebrow, in typical Washington fashion, and grins. "Oh, yeah? Why's that? Besides you've defeated them in one of your video games? This is real life, Cochise."

"And what makes you so sure you could've taken one on? 'Cause of your expansive knowledge of horror movies?"

"That probably would've come in handy, yes."

Chris laughs, a loud, booming one, and it feels so good to laugh again. It feels good to be happy again.

It feels good to be with Josh again.

"So, how have you been?" Josh asks. "How's Ash?"

Chris grimaces. "Uh, well, I'm good, but I've got no clue how Ashley is. We haven't spoken in a few months."

"Oh? That's too bad." Josh tries to sound disappointed, but Chris detects a hint of relief, maybe even happiness, in his voice.

Chris wonders why.

"How's everyone else?" Josh asks.

"I'm not really sure," Chris admits. "Everyone kind of went their own separate ways after what happened. Well, besides Mike and Jess, that is."

"Did he hit that yet?"

"Not sure. I would assume so, it's Mike. He could get a nun to have sex with him."

"That he could," Josh laughs. Josh's laugh sounds like music to Chris' ears. "That's too bad, though, that no one hangs out anymore. Great, that's another thing I ruined."

"Hey."

"Oh, right. Sorry. Inexplicably caused. That better?"

"Slightly," Chris says. "Sam wants to see you, though. When you're up for it."

"I'm not sure when that will be," Josh says, rubbing his arm. "I just... I'm glad you came. I was worried...that...you wouldn't want to see me."

"Of course I wanted to see you, Josh," Chris replies.

"I was a really shitty friend." Josh is back to staring at the floor.

Chris hooks a finger underneath Josh's chin and raises Josh's face to meet his. Chris looks Josh straight in the eyes, blue staring into green. "You were sick. You didn't know what you were doing. I don't blame you. Now, stop saying mean things about yourself."

"Doctor's orders?" Josh smiles.

"Doctor's orders."

Josh looks at Chris, just takes him in. He hadn't seen anyone in so long, and he is glad that Chris is one of the first people that he gets to see.

Unlike Chris, Josh was very sure of his feelings when it came to Chris. He liked him, in _that_ way. Pure and simple.

And what's not to like? That hair he always fussed with for too long, that crooked smile, those incredible blue eyes. Josh was a goner as soon as they had met.

It was true that Josh hadn't know since third grade that he had feelings for Chris; he didn't figure it out until junior year of high school. Ashley had started going to their high school the year before, and Chris fell for her. Hard. Josh never really knew what he saw in her; yeah, she was pretty and sweet, but Josh always thought he could do better. But, of course, as Chris' best friend, he was supportive of his romantic endeavors. Or _attempts_ at romantic endeavors; that a more accurate word for them.

Chris was rummaging through his locker, looking for something. Josh walked up to him and asked, "So, Cochise. Who ya' gonna' ask to prom?"

"There it is!" Chris exclaimed, pulling out a chemistry book from his locker. "I thought I'd lost that thing last month! Sorry, what'd you say, Josh?"

"Who are you gonna' ask to prom?" Josh repeated, almost demandingly.

Chris looked over in the direction of Ashley's locker, where she stood fixing her headband, looking into a mirror in her locker. When she saw Chris staring at her, she smiled and waved, then proceeded to turn down the hallway towards her first period class.

"I want to ask Ashley, but do you think she'd say yes?"

Josh's heart sunk at this, but he put on a happy face. "Of course she would. Who could say no that handsome mug?"

Chris grinned. "I am quite dashing."

 _You're telling me_ , Josh thought. _Wait, what?_

"You should do something super cheesy," Josh suggested. "Do a promposal or some shit. She'll eat it up."

"Like, I give her a stuffed fish and say,  'You're the only fish in the sea for me!'?"

"Yeah... or you could do one that doesn't suck."

Chris scoffed. "Oh, yeah? You got any better ideas?"

"Look on Pinterest. They have tons."

"How do you know?"

"Hannah keeps showing me all these promposals that she hopes Mike will use to ask her."

"Oo. That's not gonna' happen."

"No, it is not."

Chris smiled.  "Well, alright! I'll ask her. Thanks, man."

"Yeah, for sure."

Chris headed down the hallway toward his first period class (Chemistry) and Josh watched him go. He was glad Chris was happy, but why did he have to ask Ashley?

 _Wait_ , Josh thought. _Why does it matter? It's not like I want to get all dressed up and be picked up by him in his car. I don't want to slow dance to some sappy song with him. I don't want to feel his hands on my waist and run my fingers through his hair while I- Fuck._

Josh isn't happy, per say, by the way things had played out with Ashley and Chris, but he also wasn't sad. And besides, Chris didn't seem to torn up over the whole situation, so Josh figured that he could feel the same.

Well, maybe he was a _little_ happy.

"So, do you wanna' watch a movie or something?" Josh asks, not wanting Chris to feel awkward when a silence has filled the room.

"Maybe another time," Chris says. He rises from the bed and grabs his coat which he had laid on the floor. "I want you to rest and start to heal."

"Slowly but surely." Josh follows suit and rises from the bed. "When can I see you again?"

"I'm free Monday. Does that work for you?"

"Yeah, it does."

Chris smiles. "Perfect. It was great to see you, Josh. I'm so glad you're back."

Josh's heart leaps at this. "Thanks. It's good to be back."

"See ya, Josh."

"See ya, Cochise."

With a final smile, Chris grabs the door handle, twists it, and pushes, passing through the door.

Josh exhales and sits back down on the bed. He runs his fingers through his hair and rubs his temples. He lays down on the bed and stares up at the ceiling, not really seeing anything, only thinking of Chris.

Josh feels so lucky. Chris never gave up on him. He always supported him and  believed in him. He always was there for him.

And Josh loved him for it.

 _Love_. Josh thinks. _I love Chris. I do. I'm in love with Chris...Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys who like it would review, I'D LOVE YOU FOREVER


	3. The Movie

"Hey, Chris."

Chris passes through the doorway and stomps his boots on the entry way rug. "Hey, man. It is really coming down out there! I almost drove into a snow bank on my way over."

"That wouldn't have been good," Josh says, closing the door behind Chris. "What would I have done all afternoon? You're the one who owns Scream."

"Ah, so that's why it would've been bad if I had crashed? It just would've mattered because then you couldn't watch your movie?"

"Precisely."

Chris laughs and rolls his eyes. "You're too kind, Joshua." 

Josh leads the way down into the theater room and flips on the lights. "I need the lights on to load it into the DVD player, but we will be watching Scream with the lights off. I still can't believe you've never seen this!"

"I've legitimately only seen three horror movies in my life."

"The Scary Movie ones don't count." 

"I've legitimately seen zero horror movies in my life." 

Josh smiles and takes the DVD from Chris. He pops it into the DVD player and presses play, turning the lights off and taking a seat beside Chris, who sits in the second row of plush theater chairs. 

"Fuck," Josh curses, rising from the chair. 

"What?" 

"I forgot to make popcorn." 

"Aw, man!" 

"I know, I know! I'm sorry, Chris." Josh shakes his head.

"Oh my God, Josh, I was kidding. That's okay. We can just watch the movie without popcorn. Besides," Chris grins, "I would probably flip the bowl over when there comes an inevitable jump scare." 

Josh laughs, sitting back down. "Yeah, I guess that's true. I'm excited for you to freak out." 

Chris scoots closer. "If I get scared, can I hold your hand?" Chris bats his eyelashes and pouts his lip jokingly, but it still makes Josh blush furiously. 

"I guess if it's an absolute emergency, that would be acceptable." 

"How sweet of you, Josh."

"But if you do hold my hand, I will make fun of you."

"Well, that goes without saying."

Josh presses play on the remote and the movie starts. Throughout it, Chris does indeed freak out at every jumps scare and gasp at every twist and turn. 

Towards the end of the movie, when it is revealed who the killers are and Sydney is being attacked by the murderers, Chris starts to really flip. 

"Oh, God, Josh!" Chris exclaims. "How do you watch these movies?"

"This isn't even that bad, Chris," Josh says. "Wait til we watching The Shining ."

Chris turns his head away from the screen, towards Josh and he presses his face into Josh's shoulder. "Get ready to make fun of me." 

"Why?" 

Chris suddenly grabs Josh's hand and interlaces their fingers. Josh's stomach flips and he blushes profusely, thanking God that Chris can't see him at the moment. Chris squeezes tight as he hears a gunshot go off, even though he has no clue what is happening in the movie. 

Josh's head feels fuzzy and he is having trouble concentrating on the movie. Chris is so close to him. Chris is nuzzling his head into Josh's shoulder. Chris is holding his fucking hand. 

This is it. Josh should make his move. He will. Tonight. 

When the credits roll, Chris raises his head off of Josh and exhales a long, slow breath. "Oh. My. God. That was intense."

"How would you know? You only watched about two-thirds of it!" 

"I got the gist of it."

Josh rolls his eyes and smiles at Chris. "So, do I get to make fun of you now?"

"Yep. Let it rip."

Josh can't think of a single thing to say. All he can think of is how adorable it was when Chris grabbed his hand. 

And also how Chris is still holding his hand. 

"I got nothing."

"Off your game, Washington?"

"I guess so. I'll think of some real good ones and get ya' back. Mark my words." 

"I'll be waiting." Chris realizes that their hands are still intertwined and he blushes. "Oh, my bad." He takes his hand back and folds his hands in his lap.

Josh sighs when he no longer feels Chris' hand in his. Chris notices the small sigh that emits from him and he asks, "Hey, what's wrong? Dissapointed in yourself for not thinking of some good insults for me?"

Josh says nothing.

"Josh? What's wrong?"

Josh wants more than anything to just tell Chris everything that's he's kept bottled up inside of him, everything that he's felt for Chris all these years, but he doesn't know how to express all of those feelings. Sometimes words just aren't enough.

So, he does something else instead.

Josh suddenly leans over and presses his lips to Chris', closing his eyes and sparks erupt in his head. Chris' lips are so soft and warm, it feels incredible. Josh places a hand on Chris' cheek, caressing it gently. His heart races and he can't believe he's doing this. Wait, he's actually doing this. Kissing his best friend. His best friend that he's know since third grade. What is he doing? Josh realizes what he's doing and he leans back, clearly embarrassed.

"What are you doing?" Chris asks, looking slightly confused.

"O-Oh my God, I-I'm so sorry, Chris! I just th-thought-"

"No," Chris says, smiling and shaking his head. "I mean, why are you stopping?"

Chris takes Josh' face in his hands and crashes his lips into Josh'. Lips slide on lips, teeth clash against each other. Josh thrusts his fingers into Chris' hair and he moans softly into Chris' hot mouth. It feels so good to finally be like this with Chris, all heat and want.

Chris wraps his arms around Josh's waist and pulls him onto his lap. He runs his hands up and down Josh' back, feeling every part of his bony spine, sending shivers up the length of it. Josh dips his tongue inside Chris' mouth, grazing it along the top of Chris'. This is not enough for Chris, apparently, as he thrusts his tongue deep into Josh's mouth, caressing Josh' tongue with his. Chris's hot breath in his mouth sends heat to his face and blood to another area of his body. 

Chris makes a grab for Josh's zipper and Josh unlocks himself from Chris's lips. 

"Dude. What are you doing?" Josh asks.

"Josh, I assume that you have had the sex talk," Chris says, a smile playing at his lips.

"No, I mean, my parents could walk in at any minute." 

"Well, we can lock the doors to this room, can't we?"

"Nope. These doors don't lock." 

"Shit."

Josh cocks an eyebrow mischievously. "But the doors to my bedroom do."

"I like the way you think," Chris grins. "Oh, shit. How do I look?"

Josh looks at Chris and smiles, seeing his handiwork. Chris' glasses are crooked, his lips are red and wet, and his hair is a complete mess. "Well, it looks like we were just making out, so there's that."

Chris laughs. "Oops. God, what'd you do to me, Washington?" Chris rakes his fingers through his hair, licks saliva off his lips, and straightens his glasses. "Better?"

Josh shrugs. "It's as good as it's gonna' get. Just be cool when we go upstairs."

"When am I not cool?" Chris asks.

Chris receives a look from Josh. "Yeah, don't answer that..." 

The two rise from the couch and exit the basement, Josh turning the lights off as they do. They pass by the kitchen where Melinda is standing at the stove, cooking something. 

The pair creep silently by and up the stairs to Josh's room. They enter the room and Chris shuts the door behind him. Josh sits down on the bed and smiles softly at Chris.

"What?" Chris questions, a bit confused. "What are you smiling at?" 

"Nothing," Josh replies. "I'm just really, really happy. I haven't been this happy in a long time."

"I am pretty great, aren't I?" Chris asks, fake-pondering the greatness of himself, two fingers stroking an imaginary beard at his chin.

Josh rolls his eyes. "Shut up!" 

"Why don't you make me?" Chris demands, a sudden hunger in his eyes. "Actually, I'll make you do that." 

Chris walks over to Josh and pushes him down on his back, laying down on top of him. Chris smashes his lips onto Josh' and slips his tongue back inside of his mouth, picking up right from where they left off. Chris cups Josh's face with his hands, deeply kissing him, his tongue exploring everywhere in Josh's mouth. Josh lets his tongue be massaged by Chris', breathing hot, heavy breaths into his mouth.

Chris runs his hands over Josh' body, feeling every nook and cranny of it. He feels Josh's skinny but still strong arms, his thin but still firm stomach, his bony but still fucking great ass. Josh reciprocates by running his hands up Chris' tight and lean back, his surprisingly muscley chest, his broad shoulders. Josh always thought that Chris had a good body under all those layers, but it was nice to finally see that he was right. 

Chris slides a hand underneath Josh's shirt, feeling the smooth skin of his chest. Chris' hands graze the scars on Josh' abdomen, and Josh would've said something but it felt so damn good having his body being slowly touched and caressed. The scars are long, crisscrossing across his stomach in different strokes and patterns. Chris makes sure to be gentle and not upset Josh by touching them.

Chris returns to Josh's zipper and pulls it down, eager to get Josh out of his jeans. Chris yanks down his pants and Josh kicks them off to the side. Chris undoes his own pants and shimmies out of them, throwing off his shirt as Josh does the same. Now, that they're down to brass tax (and down to their boxers), things really start happening.

Chris latches himself onto Josh's neck, sucking and sliding his tongue over the soft skin there. A soft moan is produced by Josh and his toes curl at Chris' hot mouth and tongue feeling and exploring him, the sensation sending shivers up his spine. 

Chris moves from Josh's neck to his chest, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses to his skin. Josh shoves his hands into Chris' hair, long, skinny fingers entangling into blonde tresses. Chris runs his tongue around Josh's nipples, making small, delicate circles with it, and Josh struggles for air. Chris softly bites down on one nipple, teasing Josh and making him squirm beneath him.

"C-Chris?"

Chris lifts his head up and looks at Josh, whose face is slightly red and whose chest is heaving. "Yeah? You okay?"

Josh nods and licks his lips. He whispers in Chris' ear, "I n-need you inside me. Right now."

Chris smirks. "Jesus, impatient much?"

"You know how fucking horny I am. Like all the time." 

"I know. I love it."

"Fuck you." 

"I think you mean I should fuck you."

Chris smirks and grips Josh's bony hipbones with his hands, fingertips pressing bruises into them and he licks a line from his belly button to his chest, which makes Josh gasp and his stomach clench. Chris runs his hands along the soft skin of Josh's thighs, which quiver beneath his touch. Well, actually, Josh's entire body shakes with anticipation and nervousness. 

"Right?" Chris asks, looking Josh in the eye. "That's what you mean? I should fuck you?" 

Josh nods, not able to form any words at the moment. 

"I can help out with that, bro." 

Chris bows his head down and places his lips to Josh's cock, his breath warm. Josh groans at the feeling this sends throughout his body. Chris takes Josh' dick in his mouth and runs his tongue over the head of it, which elicits a loud moan from Josh. Josh grabs handfuls of bed sheets, twisting them in his hands, trying (and failing) to think straight. Chris starts to bob his head in a vertical motion, inching Josh's cock toward the back of his throat. Tension builds and builds in Josh's stomach, becoming a tight ball of pressure which needs to be released. With each bobbing motion of Chris' head, sparks erupt inside of Josh's mind. 

It feels so incredible. He's had this feeling before, but this time it's different; it's better. Whenever Josh would have sexual encounters in the past, he didn't really care about the men he was doing it with, but to be doing it with Chris? Man, it feels fucking amazing. 

Chris licks pre-cum from his lips when he's done blowing Josh. "How that'd feel?"

"Eh, I-I've had better," Josh lies jokingly, his voice low and breathy. He runs a hand through his hair. "What else ya' got?"

"You got lube?"

"Um, have you met me? Of course I have lube."

Josh props himself up on one elbow and pulls open the top drawer of his nightstand. He reaches into it and produces the foretold bottle of lubricant.

Josh hands it to Chris and Chris proceeds to squirt a good-sized amount into his hand and slick himself up. Josh rolls onto his stomach and Chris hoists him up by his waist, Josh's ass exposed to him.

"You don't need to be, like, warmed up, right?" Chris asks, not wanting to hurt Josh in any way.

"Again, have you met me?"

Chris laughs. "So no."

As soon as these words leave his mouth, Chris carefully slides his dick into Josh's asshole, tight ringlets of hot muscle closing around it. Josh lets out a deep, throaty groan, the loudest one yet. Chris slowly inches out and pushes back inside, an incredible feeling spreading throughout his body as he does. Josh grips his pillow with a free hand for support, almost seeing stars. Chris picks up the pace and speeds up his rhythm, Josh moaning as he does so. Chris finds Josh's sweet spot and bears down on his prostate, making Josh cry out in pleasure.

Josh's breath comes in uneven gasps as he feels Chris inside, moving and grinding farther into him. Feeling that long, hot cock inside of him makes fireworks go off in his head and his heart races in his chest. Chris's vigorous movements make it impossible to focus on anything, but Josh doesn't need to focus on anything else but this man inside him.

As Chris rolls into him, the two move in one rhythm, completely in sync. Nothing had ever felt more rightand more incredible. Josh feels Chris's hot breath on his neck, which sends a layer of sweat over his skin and goosebumps across his flesh.

Chris thrusts back and forth, his own orgasm building and building as Josh's does the same. Josh whispers indistinguishably; he doesn't really say anything, but also says everything. Josh arches his back and screams Chris' name, and as Chris continues the steady speed, Josh can tell he is extremely close to coming. His eyes roll to the back of his head and he bites to lip to stop from just screaming in pleasure.

"J-Jack me o-off," Josh manages to get out.

"Whatever you s-say."

Chris wraps his hand around Josh's cock and starts to move his hand up and down, but before he can even really get going, Josh comes all over Chris' hand. Feeling that warm fluid on his hands, Chris comes, too, filling up Josh with his own liquid.

Chris removes himself from Josh and collapses onto the bed, as Josh the same. The two struggle to catch their breath. Their lungs burn, their chests heave, and their hearts pound.

When they can somewhat breathe again, Josh turns to Chris, who stares up at the ceiling. "So."

Chris turns and looks at Josh. "So."

"Are you glad that happened?" Josh asks, chewing his lip.

"Of course, I am!" Chris exclaims. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. Didn't that just, like, ruin our friendship or whatever?" Josh questions.

"Not at all," Chris answers. "Josh, this isn't some chick-flick. This is real life. Friends can have sex without it ruining their friendship. And nothing you would ever do would make me stop being your friend. Your best friend."

Josh smiles brighter than he has in years at this. "Good. I'm glad. And I'm glad that this happened, too."

Chris smiles. "Wait, when did you start liking me?"

Four years ago, Josh thinks "I'm not sure. Recently. You?"

"Recently. I think it was when I saw you. After you came back from the mountain."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. When I saw you, it was like you were in this whole new light. It was like I was seeing you, really seeing you, for the first time. My heart started to race, my palms started to sweat. I was so freaking happy you were back. That's when I knew how I really felt about you. I'd lost you before and I wasn't going to let you go again. I won't leave you again, Josh."

Josh smiles and caresses Chris' cheek with his hand, rubbing a thumb across it. Chris places his hand on top of Josh's and presses a kiss to the back of it. Chris presses an even gentler kiss to Josh's forehead, making Josh just melt.

"So, Cochise; where do we go from here?"

"No clue, Washington. No clue."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys who like it would review, I'D LOVE YOU FOREVER


	4. The Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't really a Josh and Chris-heavy chapter. Just the the friends rebuilding their friendships and shit. Also, it's a shorter chapter for this one! But the good news is, another one will be up tomorrow. Enjoy!

"So, when can I see him?!" 

Chris laughs, balancing his cell phone between the side of his face and his shoulder as he pours himself a bowl of cereal. "Be patient, Samantha. Josh'll come around, I promise." 

"How come you get to see him all the time?" Sam questions. 

Chris blushes and he's glad that Sam can't see him. "I-I don't know. I mean, we've know e-each other for so long, he's just comfortable with me is all."

"Yeah, I guess," Sam huffs. "God, you're a loud eater, Chris." 

"I am still a growing boy after all," Chris retorts, chewing his cereal even louder than he had been before.

"That's _right_ in my ear, thanks," Sam laughs. There's a pause before she says, "Hey, I was thinking of trying to get everyone together and doing something." 

"Do you think they'd want to?" Chris asks. 

"I mean, it has been a year and half now. I feel like they would," Sam says, hope evident in her voice. "I want to try." 

"I'd totally be down," Chris says, taking a swig of milk from his Captain America mug. "I'd love to see everyone."

"Would Josh be up for it, do you think?" 

"I don't know, I-wait, is that why you're doing this?" Chris questions. "To see Josh?" Chris feels a twinge of jealousy. "Ya' got a crush there, Sam?" 

"Chris, you do know I'm gay, right?" 

Relief washes over Chris. "Oh my God, I totally forgot!"

"Yeah...wait, why would you care if, God forbid, I was straight and had crush on Josh?" Sam asks, a smile playing at her lips.

"I-I mean, I wouldn't!" Chris stammers, the red hue returning to his cheeks. "So, this party? Wh-When would it be?"

"Changing the subject, are we?" Sam scoffs. "I'm not sure when it'd be; I haven't picked a date yet. Soooooo, why do you care who has a crush on Josh?"

"I don't!" Chris blurts out. "Anyone can like him!" 

"Is that 'anyone' you?"

"What?!"

"Chris, I'm no honor student like Emily, but I'm not an idiot; I hear how you talk about him, now, that we've gotten back from the mountain. You like him. And I mean, he's always liked you." 

Chris smiles at this. "Really? He said that? What else has he said?"

Sam rolls her eyes. "Oh my God, are we back in middle school, now? He's always had a thing for you. At least, as long as I've known him he has. He didn't realize it until about Junior year, I think it was. He told me, then." 

"Junior year? He's liked me since then? Wait, isn't that when I started to like Ashley?"

"Yeah. That was a really hard year for him, but he never said anything about his feelings because he knew how you felt about Ashley." 

"He suffered in silence for all those years?"

"Josh wanted you to be happy, even if it meant he couldn't be."

Chris' eyes well up at this, hearing about this caring, sweet, and selfless side of Josh. "W-Wow, I never knew that."

"Don't tell him I told you that, he'd murder me."

"I'll keep it to myself."

"So, you guys like together now?"

Chris thinks about this for a second. "Um, I'm not sure. I mean, we hang out all the time and we've had sex, but we've never called each other boyfriends or whatever. I don't really know what we are to be honest. I don't think Josh wants to label us as anything right now because he still needs to heal and having an actual boyfriend could stress him out? I don't know."

"That makes sense," Sam agrees. "Well, if he wants to come, you can bring your sex buddy to the get-together. I know everyone would love to see him."

"For sure, I'll ask him."

"I'm really happy for you, Chris."

"I'm happy, too."

***********************************************************************************************

"Are you sure?"

Josh sits at his desk, sketching in a notebook. "I don't wanna' go."

Chris walks over and places his hands on Josh's shoulders, massaging them. "Everyone will be there."

"That's why I don't want to go," Josh snaps, shaking Chris' hands off of him.

Chris gives him a look and frowns. "Okay, geez, sorry. Sam set this nice thing up for everyone, I just thought I'd ask."

"Well, you have your answer," Josh says bluntly, not even looking at Chris.

"What's going on with you?" Chris questions, arms crossed over his chest.

"What's going on with me?" Josh demands, finally turning to look at Chris. "Oh, let's see, shall we? My boyfriend, wait, no, my fuck buddy, more like it, keeps annoying me by asking the same question over and over again, which he already knows the answer to! No!"

"Well, God, if I'd know you'd be such an asshole about it, I wouldn't have asked!" Chris exclaims, his temper rising.

Josh turns back to his sketchbook and ignores Chris.

Chris scoffs. "Alright, whatever. You don't have to come, but you also don't have to be a dick about it."

Chris storms out of the room and down the stairs, out of the house and he climbs into his car, putting the key in the ignition and speeding by fifteen miles as he makes his way over to Sam's new house for the gathering.

************************************

Chris has considerably calmed down by the time he arrives at Sam's house. He's really excited (and nervous) to see everyone again. As far as he knows, everyone is coming. 

Chris exits his car and walks up the pathway to Sam's house. It looks nice; nice from the outside, at least. He bets the inside will mirror it. He rings the doorbell and waits for it to be answered, tapping his foot. When it swings open, he is greeted by Sam, who wears a black tank top and grey leggings (despite the fact that it's only forty degrees out). Her hair is down and curled. She looks happy, which is great to see. Her face lights up when she sees Chris and she gives him a bear hug after she pulls him inside. She pulls back and looks at him.

"Chris!" Sam exclaims. "It is so good to see you!" 

"You, too, Sam!" Chris thrills, genuinely so happy to see her. Chris always liked their friendship. "Am I the first one here?"

"Hardly," comes a snarky-sounding voice from the living room which is to the right of the entryway. 

Chris can already guess who this is, but he walks into the living room and sees Emily grinning at him, lying on an plush couch. Emily wears a lace blouse and tight jeans, a glittery scarf wrapped around her neck. She looks pretty happy, actually, or as happy as Emily can be. Her hair is longer and in braids, which is surprising, considering that braids had become Jessica's signature look. 

Speaking of Jess, she sits in an armchair beside the couch, legs crossed and munching on some chips. Her hair is tied up and she wears a pink sweatshirt and yoga pants. When she sees Chris, her eyes grow wide and she smiles, standing and rushing over to Chris, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing him tight. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, Chris! I'm so glad that you made it today!" 

"Uh, yeah, me, too!" Chris nods, slightly struggling to breathe from Jess' suffocating hug. "Holy crap, have you been working out or is this how you always hug?" 

Jess lets go and blushes. "Oh, sorry. Yeah, I have been working out. After everything that happened, I am so over being the damsel in distress, y'know?" 

Chris is impressed. "Wow, very nice, Jess. Are the others here? Where's everyone else?" 

"Yeah, they're here," Emily nods. "Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dee are playing ping-pong downstairs. And I think Ash's in the bathroom" 

"You have a ping-pong table?!" Chris enthuses, turning to Sam, ignoring the bit about Ashley.  

Sam laughs. "Yep. At Casa de Sam, we got the good stuff." 

"Well, I will definitely have to go get in on that." 

"Is Josh coming?" Jess asks, worry clear on her face. 

Chris shakes his head and a brief flash of anger washes over him. "No, he's not." 

Jess makes a pouty face. "Oh. That's too bad!" 

Chris shrugs. "Eh, he was being a dick about it, so I don't think he'd make the best company." 

"Uh-oh, trouble in paradise?" Emily smirks. 

Chris directs a sharp look at Sam and says, "Really, Sam? You told them about me and Josh?"

"What?" Sam asks, clearly confused. "No, I didn't!" 

Chris goes scarlet. " _Oh_." 

"Nah, nah, nah," Emily shakes her head, sitting up. "That's not how this works. You don't get to pretend that didn't just happen. What's going on with you two?" 

Chris rubs a hand down his face and sighs, sitting down on the beanbag chair to the left of Jess (Yes, Sam still has a beanbag).  He might as well tell them now. "Well, if you must know-"

"Yes, we must." 

"Thank-you, Em. If you must know, Josh and I are... involved." 

"Go on," Jess says, wishing she had popcorn for this moment. 

"With each other."

"Duh." 

"We spend a lot of time together." 

"Oh my God, Chris, get on with it."

"Keep your pants on, Jess. Josh and I are together. I think. I don't know exactly what we are, but we definitely have a 'thing'." 

"Have you guys had sex?" Emily asks, serious look on her face. Gossip is serious stuff. 

"Em, y-you don't just ask someone that!" Chris stammers.

She turns to Jess, saying, "So, that's a yes." She faces Chris again. "So, are you guys just hooking up or do you like each other?"

"Well, I like him. I'm pretty sure he likes me, too, but Josh isn't great with the whole 'sharing his feelings' thing." 

"Interesting, interesting," Emily says, pondering this news. She turns to Sam and narrows her eyes. "So, Sam. You knew about this and withheld this information from me?" 

Sam looks sheepish. She laughs awkwardly. "Um, yeah? I thought Chris would want to tell you guys himself and _that_ way, you'd get a credible, first-hand account." 

Emily rolls her eyes. "Nice save." She slides back onto the couch and into a more comfortable position. "Well, that is something, isn't it? Are you going to tell Ash?"

"Tell me what?" 

The four turns their heads and see Ashley standing by the entryway. She is wearing a plain green t-shirt and flared jeans, her hair in a messy bun. On her face is a mix of happiness and slightly discomfort; she is happy to see Chris, but it's still a bit awkward after what happened with them. 

"Hey, Ash," Chris says, feeling extremely uncomfortable. He rises from the beanbag. "Do you wanna' go talk?" 

She nods and starts to head for Sam's kitchen. Sam mouths, "Good luck" to him as he leaves the room. Chris had talked to Sam about what happened with Ashley, but he hadn't told the others. Why would he? This is the first time he's talked to them in a year and a half. Sam would probably fill Jess and Emily in. 

Chris follows Ashley into Sam's moderately sized kitchen. He sheds his parka and hangs it over a chair, leaving him in his striped sweater and jeans. 

Chris thinks, _This is not going to be fun._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys who like it would review, I'D LOVE YOU FOREVER


	5. The Party Continued

"So, how have you been, Chris?" Ashley asks, not making eye contact as she grabs a beer from the fridge, cracks it open, and takes a big swig of it.

Chris notices her changed demeanor towards him and sighs. He knew it'd be like this. "I've been good. And you?"

"I've been alright," Ashley informs him."I signed up to take a couple of classes at the community college this coming semester."

"Oh, really?" Chris asks. "That's so cool!"

"Yeah, they're just two pretty easy ones, but I want to try and get back to normal."

"That makes sense. I think that'll be good for you."

"Me, too. So what have you been doing recently?"

 _Josh_ , Chris thinks, silently laughing to himself. He obviously isn't going to tell Ashley about him and Josh in that crude of a way. "Well, I've been hanging out with Josh a lot. Helping him heal. Well, I think I'm helping."

"I bet you are," Ashley says, finally looking up from her beer and looking at Chris. She smiles slightly. "I'm glad you came, Chris. It's nice to see you."

Chris nods and returns her smile with his own half-smile. "You, too, Ash."

Ashley sets down her cup and takes Chris' hands in hers. "Chris, I want to get back together with you. Seeing you here made me realize that I want more than anything to be with you."

Chris stares at her, eyes wide and mouth gaping open. "Uh..."

"Well, say something besides 'uh', please."

"I don't know how to tell you this, Ash," Chris says, taking one of his hands from Ashley's grip and rubbing absentmindedly at the back of his head, "but, uh, Josh and I are kind of...together, now."

Ashley gives Chris a very confused look and drops his hand. "Josh? You're with Josh?"

"Yeah," Chris nods, biting the inside of his cheek. "Ever since he got back, we've had a thing. That's why I wanted to talk to you alone. To tell you."

Ashley nods slowly, taking this in and she looks anywhere but at Chris. "Well, that's... something."

"Ash," Chris says, placing a hand on her arm and rubbing it softly, "I didn't plan on this happening; I didn't plan on developing feelings for my best friend. I also didn't plan on distancing myself from you. It just happened. It was nothing that you did, it just happened. These things just happen sometimes."

Ashley looks up at Chris. "Yeah, I know. That doesn't mean that it isn't hard."

Chris pulls Ashley in for a hug and he wraps his arms around her. Ashley starts to cry, soaking Chris's sweater. Chris sighs and smooths Ashley's hair with a gentle hand. They stand like that for a bit, before Ashley backs up and dries her eyes. She looks up into Chris' eyes. "I'm glad we had the time together that we did. It was good and that's enough for me."

"Me, too. My feelings for you were real. You know that, don't you, Ash?" Chris questions.

Ashley nods. "Yeah, I know. So were mine. But feelings fade; I get it. These things just happen sometimes."

"They do."

"It's gonna' be hard to get over you, y'know that?"

Chris grins. "Yeah, I'm pretty damn great, aren't I?"

Ashley laughs. "I knew you were going to say that!"

The two stand there in the kitchen, laughing and catching up. Ashley tells Chris about her new job at Applebee's (she's a terrible waitress) and Chris tells her about how he nearly shit his pants when he watched Scream (he did not tell her that he had watched it with Josh). They talk as if their friendship is intact and normal, and you know what? It is. It really is.

When they come back from their talk in the kitchen, Emily asks, "So, how are the exes doing? Things still super awkward?"

Sam gives Emily a dirty look but Chris simply replies, "We're good."

"So, did you tell her about you and Josh fucking?" Jess asks.

Chris' eyes grow wide and Ashley's grow even wider. Chris says, "Seriously, Jess?"

Ashley punches Chris in the arm. "Dude! You got a home run?!"

Chris gives her a quizzical look. "Uh, yeah? Wait, you're not mad?"

Ashley rolls her eyes. "No! I honestly shoulda' seen that coming. With all the eye-fucking you and Josh have done over the years, I shoulda' known."

"We never eye-fucked!" Chris protests, cheeks reddening. "We didn't!"

The girls laugh at Chris' behavior and Chris storms out of the living room. He heads downstairs, where he can only assume the ping-pong tournament must be being held. When Chris gets to the last step, he sees he is correct as Matt and Mike are furiously playing ping-pong.

Mike wears his usual attire; letter jacket and jeans. Mike wears a red plaid shirt, and jeans, same as Matt. The two smile and laugh as they play and Chris is glad they're doing well, too.

"Shit!" Matt curses as he misses a particularly fast serve from Mike.

"Ten-Mike. Eight-Matt," Mike gloats, twirling his paddle in the air in a some-what cool manner. "Hm, who's winning? Oh, that's me!"

"I play loser," Chris says, walking up to the two.

Mike turns and Matt looks up, smiles spreading on both of their faces as they see who it is.

"Chris!" Mike exclaims, giving him a bro-hug (You know, one of those hugs that always ends with a manly slap on the back. A bro-hug). "Good to see ya', man!"

Matt gives Chris a better hug and smiles. "How ya' doing, Chris?"

Chris shrugs. "Not bad. Finally stopped having nightmares, so that's pretty chill."

"Ah, yeah, it took a while for me to stop having those, too," Mike nods.

Matt sighs. "Wish I could say the same."

An awkward silence fills the room and Chris asks, "How's Jess doing? I didn't want to ask the girls how they were doing because they seemed to be having so much fun up there and I didn't want to spoil it."

"She's doing pretty well, actually," Mike explains. "She started working out because she was sick of feeling defenseless. She really took control of her life back. She's freaking ripped now. Like, she could definitely take you out, Chris."

"I don't doubt that; she almost snapped me in half when she hugged me," Chris agrees. "And, Matt? How's Em?"

Matt shifts uncomfortably. "I'm not sure. We don't talk anymore."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Chris says. "Is it because she thought you abandoned her?"

"Yup."

"But you didn't."

"Yup."

"Did you explain that?"

"Yup."

"And she still hates you?"

" _Yup_."

Chris shakes his head. "That sucks, man."

"So, where's Josh?" Mike asks.

"He wasn't feeling up to coming," Chris says. "Too many people to become re-acquainted with, I guess."

"But we're his friends," Matt says, concern clear on his face. "We've forgiven him for what happened. I mean, it wasn't his fault."

"I know you guys have; I don't think he's forgiven himself yet, though," Chris explains. "I don't know if he ever will."

Chris feels that he should tell the guys about him and Josh. I mean, the girls were more easy to tell since they basically all thought that they'd eventually end up together anyway. But Matt and Mike? Who knew how they'd react?

"Hey, guys," Chris starts, swallowing. "I have to tell you guys something."

"What is it?" Matt asks.

"Josh and I are...together."

Mike says nothing. He simply reaches into his pocket, takes out his wallet, and grabs a twenty-dollar bill. He hands it to Matt.

Chris is confused. "Um, guys?"

"We had a bet going," Matt says, putting the crisp bill into his own wallet. "We took bets on when you two would finally get together. July was my guess."

Chris stares at the two. "Oh. My. God. You guys had a bet going?"

Mike nods. "Yeah. And I lost. Thanks a lot, Chris! Why couldn't you have gotten together a month later? You guys waited all this time, you might as well have just waited another month!"

Chris starts to laugh. "Wow. So does this mean that you guys are fine with it?"

"Of course," Matt nods. "People don't choose who they fall in love with."

"Yeah," Mike agrees. "Do you think either of us would've chosen to fall in love with Emily if we could help it?"

"Fair point." Chris laughs. He lets out a sigh. "I'm so relieved. I was worried that you guys would be upset or something."

"Why?" Mike asks. "You think we're that big of assholes?"

"Who knows with you two," Chris grins.

"I mean, yeah, we're assholes, but not _that_ kind of assholes," Matt laughs. "So, you play loser, ya' said?"

Chris watches Matt and Mike finish their match of ping-pong and eventually ends up playing against Mike. The girls all come down later and decide they want in on the tournament. Sam ends up winning ("She's got a home court advantage!" Emily insists.) After the tournament is done, they all sit on the couches downstairs, eating food and enjoying each other's company. The friends all laugh and talk, as if they hadn't all been through that torturous time on the mountain. They all have happiness and joy in their hearts and smiles on their faces. The night is extremely enjoyable for everyone present.

That is, until Chris receives a phone call from Josh. Chris hears his phone start to play "Never Gonna' Give You Up" by Rick Astley.

Ashley raises an eyebrow. "Really?"

Chris takes his phone from his pocket and shrugs. "Who doesn't love that song?"

He walks away from the group and sees who it is that is calling him. He sees it's Josh. He feels bad about what happened earlier; Chris can be pretty annoying when he gets on something and hey, Josh has been through a lot. He presses talk and holds the phone up to his ear. "Hey, Josh. Look, about before-"

"Can you please come home?"

Chris furrows his brow and then smiles. "Need my sweet lovin'?"

"Just please come home."

Chris detects a hint of urgency to his voice. "Um, sure. I think that this is winding down anyways. I'll be home soon. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just want to see you really bad. Sorry, I was a dick before. I shouldn't have done that."

"No, don't apologize. I was being annoying and I shouldn't have called you a dick."

"Or an asshole."

Chris laughs. "Or that. I'll see you soon."

Chris hangs up and pockets his phone. "Well, gang, duty calls. Fuck buddy duty, that is."

Mike nods knowingly. "Say no more, man."

Chris turns to Sam. "Thanks, Sam, for organizing this. I'm glad we did this. And next time we get together, I will drag Josh's ass to it. Mark my words."

"Good to hear," Sam laughs, giving him a big hug.

Chris says goodbye to everyone else and makes his way upstairs and out the door. He starts the car and rubs his hands together, trying to get warm. He always gets so cold (thus the many layers he always wears). He starts to drive and hopes that everything with Josh is alright.

It's not.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys who like it would review, I'D LOVE YOU FOREVER


	6. The Attack

When Chris enters the Washington residence, he instantly knows that something is wrong.

Chris closes the heavy entryway door behind him and sees that there isn't a single light on in the house. Chris walks in and looks around the place, his brow furrowed and his lip between his teeth. He walks down into the theater room, library, living room, and kitchen. Upon not finding Josh, or anyone for that matter, he calls out, "Josh?" When he doesn't receive an answer, he kicks off his boots and dashes up the stairs.

He walks into Josh's room and his heart drops. He sees Josh sitting on the floor beside his bed, knees pulled up to his chest. He's rocking back and forth, his body shaking and trembling. His breath is coming in short, bursting gasps.

Chris rushes over to Josh and drops down beside him. "Josh, what's happening? Come on, talk to me. What's happening to you?"

Josh's chest rises and falls much too fast for Chris' liking, and his throat makes a constricted sound. Josh's eyes are wide and they dart from side to side. Chris doesn't know if Josh even registers that he has entered the room and is beside him, so he places a gentle hand on his shoulder. Josh jumps at his touch and looks at Chris, eyes wild. 

"Ch-Chris?" He manages, struggling to focus on Chris. 

"Yeah, I'm here," Chris nods, giving Josh a worried smile. "Can you tell me what's happening?" 

"I-I feel like I can't b-breathe," Josh explains, putting a hand to his chest. "I-I think I'm h-having a panic attack. I-I was fine a few minutes ago."

"How can I help?" Chris asks, rubbing Josh's back slowly. 

Josh shakes his head. "I-I don't know. I've never had o-one this bad before and my parents u-usually know what to do." 

"What do they do?" 

"I-I can't remember!" Josh exclaims. "I can't think straight!" 

"That's okay," Chris says, trying to keep his voice calm for Josh's sake. He remembers that in one of his psychology classes he had taken a while back they taught the students some basic exercises to help calm down people when they have panic attacks. He knows how to help...a little. It's better than nothing. "Well, you can speak, so that means you can breathe. How about we try to get your breathing back to normal?" 

Josh nods. "O-Okay."

"Alright," Chris says. "I'm going to help you, Josh. I'll explain why this will help and the procedures for everything, okay?" 

Josh nods, unpinning his legs from his chest and moving to sit in a cross-legged position. Chris does the same as Josh and they face each other. 

"Breathe in with me, alright? Breathe in through your nose. It will fill the bottom of your lungs and your stomach will expand as you do this. This will help your breathing get back to normal. Let's do it." 

Chris breathes in through his nose. Josh shuts his eyes and breathes in through his nose as well, air filling his lungs. 

Chris exhales and says, "Now, hold your breath for three seconds and then exhale slowly through your mouth. You're doing great." 

Josh does as he is told and repeats this until he feels a little more calm than he was before. "O-Okay, that helped a little. M-My breathing is a little more normal." Josh winces.

"What? What's wrong?"

"My chest h-hurts. Am I h-having a heart attack?" 

Chris shakes his head. "No, no, no. You're not. This is just a panic attack and a panic attack can't do anything to you. It can't hurt you." 

Josh rubs his eyes and his temples. He shuts his eyes, trying to shut out any sight that isn't darkness. He clenches his fist, feeling the sticky sweat that lines them. 

Chris looks at Josh, worry clear on his face. He'd never seen Josh like this, so vulnerable and needing. Wait, yes he has. It was when he had abandoned Josh in that shed with Mike. 

He won't leave him again. 

"Doing any better?" Chris asks gently.

Josh gives him a small nod. "A-A little. I can breathe now. M-My heart is still racing and-"

Suddenly, a deep pain erupts in Josh's stomach as well as an intense feeling of nausea. He covers his mouth and shoots up from the floor, running into the bathroom attached to his room. Chris gets up off the floor and follows him into it. 

Josh drops to his knees, and he winces again as they hit the hard linoleum, but he isn't exactly concerned with his knees at the moment. He's more concerned with getting the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Josh grips the toilet seat fiercely, knuckles bone-white. He leans over the toilet and wretches into it. As he expels vomit into the toilet, sweat runs down his neck and back. Chris grabs a wash-cloth from the cupboard and wets it. He bends down and starts to pat the damp, cold washcloth to Josh's sweat-clad skin. Chris sits beside Josh on the floor, rubbing Josh's back soothingly, waiting for him to finish and feeling so sorry for him. 

As Josh finally gets everything out of his belly, he collapses against the wall, his breathing erratic again. This time, his breathing slows and becomes normal much quicker. Chris pulls him into his arms and lays Josh's head against his chest. Josh trembles in his arms, the aftershock of the panic attack tormenting his body. 

After about ten minutes has passed, Chris gently asks, "Are you okay?"

Josh exhales. "I think so."

"Do you want to go to bed, now?"

Josh nods. "Yeah." 

Chris helps Josh up off the floor, Josh still feeling extremely weak from the ordeal. Chris hooks a hand around Josh's waist and he slips Josh's arm around his shoulder, helping him out of the bathroom and back into Josh's bedroom. Chris helps Josh change into a Pixies t-shirt and sweatpants before he helps him into bed, covering him up with a few blankets. Chris sits down on the bed and places a hand on Josh's cheek, stroking it with his thumb. Josh hums in appreciation and grabs Chris' hand in his, placing a gentle kiss to the back of it. 

"C-Can... can you spend th-the night?" Josh asks, voice weak and soft. 

Chris smiles and nods. "Of course, Josh. There's no way I'm leaving you."

Chris strips off his sweater and jeans and crawls under the covers. Josh wraps his arms around Chris's torso and presses his body as close to Chris' as is humanely possible. Josh buries his face in Chris' chest and inhales deeply, smelling Chris' natural scent. Chris presses a soft kiss to Josh' forehead and strokes Josh's hair, running his finger through the curls. Josh almost purrs as Chris does this and he relaxes a little more. 

They stay like that, Josh clutching onto Chris for dear life and Chris comforting Josh in any way he can, until they eventually fall asleep in each other's arms. Chris falls asleep hours before Josh finally drifts off himself. 

***********************************************************************************************

Josh runs through the caves, his lungs burning and his legs aching. It's dark and Josh can barely sees where he's going. He looks behind him and gasps as he sees the horrifying sight running straight for him; Hannah, in her Wendigo form, is hot on his trail. She snarls and blood drips from her teeth, well, fangs. Her dead, thin skin is pale white and almost luminescent.

She's hungry.

Josh runs as fast as he possibly can, but it doesn't matter. Hannah easily catches up to him. She grabs his ankle with her claw and slams him down onto the floor, dragging Josh closer to her. Josh screams and struggles to free himself from her grip. He digs his fingernails into the cold, dank floor of the cave and tries to pull himself away to no avail. Hannah flips him over and she hovers over him, her pale blue eyes staring into his with ferocity.

Josh lets out another scream as Hannah digs her claws into his stomach, pain erupting throughout his abdomen. Hannah cuts through layers of flesh easily with her claws, her eyes wide and wild. Josh screams in pain as he feels Hannah's long talons slicing through his body, blood dripping down the sides of his stomach and onto the cold floor of the cave.

He lets out one last-blood curdling scream into the night.

***********************************************************************************************

Josh bolts upright in bed, his heart pounding wildly against his ribs and sweat dripping down his back. He coughs and runs a hand through his hair. He exhales slowly and struggles to calm his erratic heartbeat.

Chris turns over as he wakes up and opens his eyes to see Josh sitting up in bed, arms wrapped tightly wrapped around his stomach. Chris sits up and rubs his eyes. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" Chris asks, placing a careful hand on Josh's shoulder. He rubs a thumb across Josh's collarbone in a horizontal motion.

Josh swallows the lump in his throat. "I-I had a nightmare about H-Hannah." 

A worried look flashes across Chris's face. "What happened in it?" 

"Well, I r-remember how I got the scars on my stomach." 

Chris's own stomach drops at this. "You do?" 

Josh nods. "The doctors told me how they thought it happened. I didn't remember it, because I think I must have blocked it out or something. I'd had nightmares before but none like this. Hannah was chasing me through the mines and she caught me. She s-started to rip into my stomach, but then she stopped. She must have realized that it was me. I don't think that my wounds were that bad, but they were fucking gruesome in my dream. I could almost feel her claws tearing me apart. It was so vivid..."

Chris scoots back and leans against the headboard. He opens his arms to Josh and Josh climbs into them. Chris tucks Josh's head under his chin and strokes his hair. This really seems to calm him down, so Chris plans on doing it often. Josh listens to Chris' heartbeat. The strong, steady pulse calms his own heart. Chris places a kiss into Josh's curls. 

"I'm so sorry that you keep having nightmares," Chris says. 

"The doctor said that it's normal, "Josh explains. "After going through something so traumatic, she said that it's completely normal to have nightmares. It's just another thing that I have to learn to live with, I guess. There's nothing I can do about it." 

"I wish I could do something for you," Chris says, suddenly feeling very useless. 

"You just being here helps," Josh says. "I just I couldn't remember anything that happened."

"What do you remember from the mines?" Chris asks. "Have you remembered any more than what you knew before?" 

Josh shrugs. "Bits and pieces. I remember Hannah attacking me, now, and thinking that dead body looking really fucking good. Thankfully, I don't remember actually eating him. I don't remember much else. I don't want to think about what happened down there." 

"You don't need to think about that anymore. Any of the stuff that happened on the mountain anymore," Chris says. 

"But it's still with me," Josh says, shivering. "It'll always be with me."

"So will I." 

Josh raises his head and looks into Chris' eyes. A look of genuine adoration lies in those light blue pools of his.

"You really mean that, don't you?" Josh asks, a sad, little smile on his lips. 

Chris nods, smiling as well. "Of course. You're not getting rid of me that easily." 

Josh cocks an eyebrow. "Really? That line? You're just a walking cliché, aren't you?" 

Chris laughs and shrugs. "What can I say? I'm cheesy."

Josh smiles, a big and bright one. "I like it." 

He presses soft lips to Chris' and wraps a hand around Chris' shoulder, pulling him closer. He feels the small hairs on the back of Chris's neck and delicately strokes them. Chris tenderly kisses Josh back, entwining their fingers and presses their hands to the bed. There's no tongue with this kiss; it's just a sweet, chaste one. That's all Josh can handle right now, but it's good for him. It's calming; almost healing. 

Chris parts from Josh and caresses his cheek. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah," Josh nods. "Thanks to you."

"I'm pretty much your knight in shining armor, right?" 

Josh laughs, rolling his eyes. "If you say so." 

Chris smiles. "I do."

The two sit there, looking at each other, not saying a word and not needing to. 

"Let's go back to bed," Chris says.

They lay back down and hold each other close. Chris covers them back up with the blanket and lays his head down on the pillow, Josh's arms wrapped around his chest. Their legs are intertwined under the blankets and they, once again, are as close as humanely possible. 

Josh falls asleep much faster this time.

***********************************************************************************************

Josh opens his eyes and sits up in bed. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and yawns, stretching the muscles in his back and arms. He looks over and feels a twinge of panic as he notices that Chris is not beside him in bed. His heart starts to race and his mind starts to whirl, still not completely feeling better from the ordeal he had suffered last night. His limbs are weak and he curses himself as he worries if another attack is coming.

He manages out a small, "C-Chris?"

In a few moments, after he has not received a reply, he calls out Chris' name again, his voice cracking this time. Soon after, Chris walks back into the room, a tray in his hands. Chris smiles when he sees that Josh is up.

Josh lets out a sigh of relief at the sight of Chris. "There you are."

Chris frowns slightly. "Sorry, did I scare you?"

Josh nods. "A little. I thought you left."

"No way," Chris shakes his head. "I just made you breakfast," Chris sets down the tray on Josh's lap. "I wasn't sure if you'd be hungry or not so I just made Eggo's and easy shit."

Josh's stomach growls and he smiles. "I guess I am hungry," he says, putting a hand to his belly.

"Good!" Chris enthuses. "Well, I made waffles, oatmeal, some toast and I sliced up an orange."

"Chris, you really didn't have to do all this," Josh says shyly, feeling a bit guilty.

"I know," Chris nods, sitting down on the bed. "I wanted to. You really went through it yesterday and I wanted to make you feel better. Make you happy, because you deserve it. I hope I helped."

Josh smiles, his cheeks reddening and his heartbeat skipping. "You did." 

Chris returns the smile and points to the food. "Ya' gonna' eat that?"

Josh nods. "Yeah. Thank-you very much." 

"Oh, I wasn't looking for a thank-you or anything!" Chris jokes. "But yes, I did slave away over those microwave Eggo's!"

"You must have," Josh says. "I think you slaved away for a little too long; you burned them."

"What?!" Chris exclaims, grabbing one off of the plate. "How?! I mean, I'm a bad chef but not that bad!" Chris inspects the waffles and furrows his brow. "Wait, these aren't burnt." 

"Gotcha'," Josh grins. 

Chris laughs. "Wow. Very nice. You've had better before, though."

"Well, in my defense, I did just go through a night of panicking, vomiting, and nightmares, so I'm sorry if my joke wasn't exactly comedy gold," Josh smirks, taking the waffle back from Chris and biting into it. "This is cooked to absolute perfection. Happy?" 

"Seeing you better makes me happy," Chris says, a lazy smile etched across his face. "And I can stay as long as you need me to. Where are your parents, by the way?" 

"My dad had some film festival to go to and mom went with," Josh explains, taking a bite out of the piece of toast. "I was going to go, but I didn't feel up to it. My parents didn't really want me to stay here by myself, but I insisted I would be fine. Guess I should've fucking listened to them."

"Josh, it's not your fault that this happened, or happens, to you," Chris says, putting his hand on top of Josh's. "None of this was your fault."

"Well, I wasn't exactly blameless for what happened," Josh says, more to himself than to Chris. 

"As I've said before, I don't blame you," Chris persists. "I mean, your prank was super fucked-up, yes, but the rest of what happened on that mountain? You had nothing to do with it." 

"Maybe being trapped in the mines was karma," Josh voices his own internal thoughts. "For what I did." 

"It wasn't," Chris insists. "It was no one's fault. It just happened. Bad things just happen without a reason sometimes. Even to good people." 

"I'm not a good person, though," Josh says, shrinking in on himself and looking anywhere but at Chris. "Good people don't do what I did." 

"Josh," Chris says, raising Josh's face to meet his. He looks into Josh's eyes and says, with absolute authority and belief, "You are a good person. You're the best person I know, Josh. You really are and I'm not just saying that. You're fucking funny as hell, smart as a whip, and most importantly, you're kind. You're an extremely kind person. 

"You did what you did because you were sick. There are so many good people out there with mental illnesses and you are one of those people." 

Josh looks at Chris, unaware that he is looking at him like Chris put the stars in the sky. "Th-Thank-you. I really needed to hear that." 

"Of course," Chris nods, smiling. "I need you to believe that." 

Josh sighs and locks fingers with Chris. He gives Chris a small little smile. "Maybe one day I'll believe that." 

And, with Chris' help, Josh thinks he will.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys who like it would review, I'D LOVE YOU FOREVER


	7. The Shower and the Coffee Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry this took so long to update! I had terrible writer's block with this chapter but I'd still, as always, really appreciate feedback! Thanks :)

"Ya' sure you're up for this, Josh?"

Josh looks in the mirror. He fusses with his hair, trying to make it look suitable. He looks at the very distinct and very noticeable bags under his eyes, cursing himself even though it is not his fault that he barely sleeps.

Josh sheds the dark long-sleeve t-shirt he has on and stalks over to his closet. He rummages through it, riffling through other long-sleeve shirts, not finding anything that he wants to wear. Josh tries his dresser, searching through t-shirts and pants. 

"Josh, what are you looking for?" Chris asks from his spot on Josh's bed. 

"Buried treasure," Josh mutters sarcastically. "Something to wear!"

Chris rises from the bed and moves to where Josh stands looking through his dresser. "I highly doubt Sam is gonna' care what you're wearing. She's just going to be happy to see you." 

"I know Sam won't care what I wear, but I want to make it seem like I have my life and myself together... even if I don't."

Chris turns Josh to face him and looks him in the eye. "Josh, every day you're getting better and better." 

"Some days it doesn't seem like it," Josh murmurs, looking anywhere but Chris.

Chris puts a hand on Josh's arm and rubs it warmly. "Every day that you are on this earth is a good one. And each day that I get to spend with you makes me more and more happy."

Josh looks up at Chris, an appreciative look on his face. "You're sweet, Cochise."

"You're incredible." 

The two stand there, staring into each other's eyes and both thinking that they are the luckiest man in the world. 

Chris wonders how he got so lucky that he gets to be with the weirdest, funniest, strongest, most wonderful person he's ever met. Josh wonders what he did deserve the chance to be with the kindest, dorkiest, gentlest, most amazing person he knows.

They're both lucky.

"You're good at that. Y'know that?" 

Chris cocks his head. "Good at what?" 

"The mushy-gushy stuff."

Chris smiles. "Well, it's easy to when I have someone as amazing as you in my life." 

Butterflies fill Josh's stomach and he blushes profusely. "Shut up, Chris! Ugh, I suck at that stuff." 

"It's cute," Chris says. "Try to be lovey-dovey, just try." 

Josh laughs. "What? No! I can't!" 

Chris smirks. "I bet you could if you tried."

Josh has an idea. "How about I try something else instead?" 

Chris gives him a mischievous look. He grins. "Color me intrigued." 

Josh grabs Chris' crotch and massages it with the palm of his hand. On feeling the sudden hardness of Chris' cock, Josh gives Chris a crooked grin, licks his lips, and whispers in Chris' ear, "There's nothing hotter than feeling you come inside me."

Chris feels heat rising in his cheeks and he swallows nervously. "U-Uh, yeah, th-that's something else." 

Josh leans back and smiles slyly. He pats Chris' chest. "You make me blush with one line; I make you hard with one line. I think that's a very accurate portrayal of our relationship." 

"Relationship?" Chris questions. "Are we in a relationship?" 

Josh's eyes grow wide at this slip. "Oh, I-I mean, sorry I said that. S-Sorry, I just-" 

"Don't apologize," Chris smiles, taking Josh's hand in his. "I just was surprised hearing it for the first time. I like hearing it." 

Josh nods. "Yeah...so, we're in a relationship?" 

"If you want to be," Chris says. "I mean, the sex is great, don't get me wrong, but I also, personally, would like to do the boyfriend thing. If that's okay."

Josh nods again. He smiles at this revelation. "Yeah. That's great. I just can't believe I finally get to be with you. _Really_ be with you. I've waited for this for so long." 

"I'm sorry you've have to wait for so long," Chris says. "I wish I'd realized before how amazing you are. We could've had more time together." 

"Well," Josh says, draping his arms around Chris' neck, "We better make up for lost time, then, huh?" 

Josh presses their lips together, breathing Chris' scent in. He always smells of something Josh can't quite put his finger on. It's a scent similar to pastries; a sweet, light scent. Josh loves it. Josh leans back and Chris wines.

"Stop teasing me," he pouts, wanting more kisses. 

Josh gives him a look. "I stopped because I was going to say I still needed to shower and was going to ask if you cared to join me, but-"

"Yes," Chris interrupts before he can stop himself. 

Josh laughs. "Wow, someone's horny!"

"Well, can you blame me after that little stunt you pulled?"

"You loved it."

"This is true." 

"Then what are we waiting for?"

Josh grabs Chris by the collar of his shirt and pulls him into the bathroom. He closes the door behind him and turns to face Chris. Chris is already shrugging out of his jeans and sweater. He's out of his boxers by the time Josh has taken off his t-shirt. 

Chris taps his foot impatiently. "Oh my God, you're so slow." 

Josh smirks. He unbuttons his jeans and pushes them down as slowly as he possibly can. "Is this better?"

"I hate you."

"Bullshit," Josh laughs and he slips his jeans off, throwing them to the floor. "There. That better?" 

"Much," Chris nods enthusiastically. 

Josh turns on the shower and pulls back the curtain, entering it. "Ya' comin'?" 

Chris nods again, grinning. "Yes, _please_."  

Chris gets in the shower and he pulls Josh close. 

"Hey, hey," Josh scolds, turning around. "I actually need to shower first. Like shampoo, body wash, the whole nine yards, alright?"

"Fine," Chris says, nibbling on Josh's ear.

Josh rolls his eyes. He squirts a sizable amount of shampoo into his hand and works it through his hair. He rinses and moves onto the conditioner. He washes that out and grabs the bottle of body wash. He slowly lathers himself up, looking Chris right in the eye as he rubs his hands over his arms, his chest, his stomach.

"Ya' like that?" Josh teases, raising his eyebrows.

"Just hurry it up, slowpoke."

Josh grins. " _Fine_. My, my, are you impatient or what, Cochise?"

"When you look like that, how could I not?"

"There; finished."

" _Finally_."

Chris latches himself onto Josh's lips, hands going everywhere and anywhere that they can. Chris feels such an intense hunger and want for this man, this weird, sexy, amazing man. So he does whatever he can to satisfy it.

Chris cups Josh's ass with his hands, fingers squeezing and grabbing at the smooth flesh. Josh drags his fingernails up and down Chris's arms, his back, sending shivers up Chris' spine. He bites down on Chris' bottom lip and slips it into his mouth, sucking on it. Josh drapes his arms around Chris' shoulders and slides his fingers into the wet blonde hair, tugging at it and he moans when Chris starts to kiss his neck, wet kisses littering his skin. Soft, slippery kisses trace Josh's neck and Chris moves his way down to Josh's shoulders. Chris traces Josh's nipples with his tongue, eliciting small, soft whines from Josh as he feels his cock harden. Chris makes his way down Josh's torso and his stomach jumps. 

"God, what do you do to get a body like this?" Chris asks, in between kisses as he takes in Josh. 

"U-Uh, I don't d-do anything," Josh replies, breathless. 

"You, bitch."

Josh lets out a loud laugh, one that shakes his shoulders and crinkles his eyes. It feels good. Normal, even. 

Josh grabs the bar in the shower as Chris's mouth nears his cock. At the feel of his wet, hot breath, Josh bites his lip and he knows that if he wasn't in the shower, he'd be coated in sweat right now. Chris circles the head of Josh's dick with his tongue, sliding it from the tip to the base which produces a deep moan from Josh. Chris takes Josh's cock in his mouth, pulling it towards the back of his throat, as far back as it can go. Josh's breathing comes in short bursts and his stomach hitches, Chris making it very hard to concentrate on anything but that hot mouth. Chris grabs Josh's ass in his hands, grabbing and caressing as he sucks Josh off. Josh mind goes blank and he struggles to hold himself up, his knees suddenly becoming extremely weak and shaky. 

Chris detaches himself and licks pre-cum off his lips. He gets off his knees and stands up, grinning from ear-to-ear. 

"Wh-What?" Josh asks, still out of breath but smiling back.

"I like to see you so happy," Chris smiles.

"Jesus, Chris," Josh rolls his eyes, "you're about to fuck me and you're saying shit like that? You're even cheesier than I thought." 

"Fine," Chris says, smirking. He whispers in Josh' ear, "I need to be inside you. Right fucking now." 

Josh goes Scarlet and his heart starts to pound. "Y-Yeah, that's better."

Chris grins and turns Josh around, warm water running down both of their backs. Chris places his hands on either sides of Josh's hips and digs his fingernails in. Josh bites his lip and closes his eyes, preparing himself for the incredible feeling he know he will soon experience.

Chris rolls his hips forward and plunges himself deep into Josh's ass. Josh cries as he feels Chris inside of him, slow and warm. Josh leans his head back, water running down his face. Chris grunts as he thrusts into Josh, his thick, hot cock close to Josh's prostrate. Chris bears down on the organ when he finds it, Josh's head becoming fuzzy and light. Josh's mouth hangs open, jumbled nonsense coming from it. Chris places open-mouthed kisses to the back of Josh's neck. Tension builds in his stomach and he once again grabs onto the shower bar, this time knocking down bottles of shampoo as his bony knuckles turn white. The two men move in rhythm with each other's bodies, fitting together perfectly. The water turns cold but it feels good; their bodies are incredibly hot. Thrusting his hips and bucking furiously, Chris lets out loud moans and Josh lets out small cries of pleasure, his heart beating fiercely in his chest. Chris' hot breath on his neck makes the little hairs of the area stand up on end.

The tension in Josh's stomach builds and builds until he starts to doubt that he will last much longer. His muscles clench and he prays for sweet release. With a few more bucks of his hips, Chris can't hold on any more and he comes inside of Josh, filling him up with his cum. Josh comes soon after, fireworks erupting inside his minds as he does. It's so cliché to describe it like that but that is exactly how Josh feels. It only feels this good, though, when it's with Chris; sure it felt great with other guys, but this?

This is pure ecstasy. 

Josh slumps back against Chris and he exhales, feeling relaxed and at peace. Chris wraps his arms around Josh's waist and pulls him close, pressing soft kisses to his ear. Josh closes his eyes and sighs as he rubs the strong arms wrapped around him. 

"Shit, man." 

"What?" 

Josh smiles. "You are so _fucking_ good." 

Chris laughs. "Oh, yeah? You're not too bad yourself." 

Josh turns around and cocks an eyebrow. "'Not too bad?' _That's_ how you'd describe me, Mr. 'I-Need-To-Be-Inside-You-Right-Now'?" Josh accentuates the nickname with a breathy voice. 

"You're right," Chris nods. "You are so goddamn incredible I can barely stand it."

Josh grins. "Much better." 

"Well, we should probably get dressed; we've got to meet Sam soon." 

"Or, we could go another round," Josh raises his eyebrows. 

Chris licks his lips. "You read my mind." 

***********************************************************************************************

"Come on, Josh. You look great. Let's go inside."

Josh looks at his hands in his lap, fidgeting. They sit in Chris' car in front of the Starbucks that Sam is waiting for them in. Josh had decided on a green and blue plaid, a black puffer vest, ripped jeans, and a brown pair of boots; it's not trying too hard but is still a nice outfit. He knows he looks nice; that's not what he's worried about. He's worried that Sam hasn't really forgiven him for what happened on the mountain. Besides Chris, she's his closest friend. He can't bare to lose her, too. He's already lost so much. 

"Come on, sweetie," Chris says, putting a hand on Josh's shoulder. 

"'Sweetie?'" Josh questions, pretending to be disgusted with the pet name when he secretly adores it. "Really?"

"I'm tryin' somethin' new," Chris smiles. He looks inside and sees someone who he can only assume is Sam facing the opposite way; the person's hair is tied high in a ponytail and they dawn an entire outfit of spandex. That's gotta' be Sam. "You can do this. I'll call you sweetie again if we don't go inside now."

Josh laughs. "Oh, God. Alright, that'll give me enough motivation."

Josh and Chris exit the car and Chris holds the door open for Josh to pass through. Josh freezes when he sees who thinks is Sam. His breath hitches and he suddenly becomes aware of just how nervous he is to see his friend. 

"I'll take a back seat and you two can catch up," Chris says. "Sam sees me all the time, so it's cool. I want you guys to get reacquainted." 

The pair come up behind Sam and Chris is the first to come into Sam's view. Sam turns and sees Josh and her face instantly lights up. She jumps up from the table, almost knocking over her mocha in the process. 

"Josh!" She exclaims as she wraps Josh up in a big bear hug and he melts into it. He hugs her back and squeezes her tight. Her hair gives off the smell of lavender and he can smell the subtle scent of coffee on her breath. She smells like Sam and it's a scent he hasn't come into contact with in a very long time. He didn't realize how much he had missed her until this very moment. 

The two part and Sam smiles at Josh. She sees Chris and says, "Oh, hey, Chris. Sorry, didn't really see you there." 

Chris laughs. "It's good to see you, too, Sam." 

Chris and Josh sit down in the booth and Sam follows suit. Sam looks at Josh and can't help the smile that stretches across her face. "God, it is _so_ good to see you, Josh."

Josh is genuinely surprise to hear this. "Really?"

"Yes, of course!" Sam exclaims. "Why wouldn't it be?" 

"Well, after everything that happened on the mountain, I figured-"

"That I'd be an asshole and blame you for something you had no control over?" Sam smirks. "I'm glad you still think so highly of me, Josh." 

Josh smiles. "Of course I do. I turned into a Wendigo, Sam; not a different person," he jokes.

Sam's face falls. "God, that must have been so awful. I'm so sorry you had to to go through that." 

"I _did_ deserve it." 

"No, you didn't!"

Chris pipes up. "That's what I keep telling him. But it _is_ a process; some day he'll get to a place where he knows the truth." 

"I hope," Josh sighs. 

Sam smiles sadly at her friend. "Well, I know that everyone wants to see you!" 

"They do?" Josh questions. "So, like, everyone is fine with me and what I did?"

"I mean," Sam says, "they didn't particularly _enjoy_ being terrorized in your family's lodge, but they understand that you have a mental illness. You had no control over what you did. None of that was your fault and they know that now. They just want to see their friend. Everyone's been so worried about you."

"Wow," Josh says, baffled. "That's really surprising. Well, I'm not sure when I'll be up for seeing everyone. I was a little worried about evens seeing you today."

"Why's that?"

"I was worried that you wouldn't forgive me or something," Josh admits, staring at his hands which are folded in front of him on the table. "I was so scared I was going to lose you, too." 

"Josh," Sam places a hand on both of Josh's, "you could never lose me. You've got me as a friend for life. If you like it or not." 

Josh grins across the table at Sam. "Is that so? Even if I make fun of your obsessive love of rock-climbing and Lulu Lemon?" 

Sam laughs. "Don't push it." 

Sam and Josh (and somewhat Chris) talk about everything that's been going on in their lives, from Sam's enrollment at the local community college and her new relationship with a fiesty, red-headed lifeguard to Josh's current obsessive with Mr. Robot ("I totally look like the main guy, by the way!""What? No you don't!") to Chris and Josh's current relationship status.

"I'm so happy that you two finally got together!" Sam thrills.

"What do you mean 'finally'?" Chris questions.

"I mean, everyone always thought that you guys had the hots for each other."

"Everyone did?" Josh laughs. "That's great." 

Chris blushes. "Oh, God. Well, I guess everyone was right."

"I'm glad that they were," Sam smiles at the two. "I'm glad that something good came from what we went through." 

Josh looks at Chris. "Me, too." 

Sam smiles even wider. "Oh, my God, you guys are too cute." She checks her watch and swears, standing. "Ah, shit, I've gotta' leave pretty soon if I'm going to make my shift at the rock-climbing place. Josh, zip it! I'm so glad that this worked out."

Josh stands. "Me, too. It was so great to see you."

"Hey, I think Mike and Jess are planning on having everyone over on Friday if you want to come," Sam says, grabbing her purse from the booth. "I know everyone would love to see you."

Josh nods. "We'll see. It _would_ be nice, but..."

Sam nods back. "Yeah, no, for sure. I get it. Just let me know." Sam smiles and hugs Josh again. "I'm so glad you're back, Josh." 

Josh returns the smile. He looks at Chris and Sam. "I am, too." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys who like it would review, I'D LOVE YOU FOREVER


	8. Apple Orchard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OMG I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER, I HAD WRITER'S BLOCK FOR SO LONG AND THEN STRAIGHT UP FORGOT ABOUT THIS STORY UNTIL I PLAYED UNTIL DAWN AGAIN. oops cap locks anyways my bad!! Here's another chapter! Its a little shorter but I should be updating more frequently cuz i now know where I'm going for the next few chapters. Enjoy!

"Really? An apple orchard?"

"What?" Chris laughs. "What's wrong with going to an apple orchard?"

"Besides the fact that they're cliche as hell?" Josh questions, grabbing a scarf from the entryway closet. He slips on his winter boots and wraps the scarf around his neck. "How about that this is our first official date?

"What, an apple orchard isn't fancy enough for you, my prince?"

Josh knows that Chris is making fun of him when he says "my prince", but that doesn't mean that Josh doesn't secretly love being called that.

"No, I mean, this is fine."

"Mm-hm," Chris replies, unconvinced. "Don't you worry; this will be the best date you've ever been on."

"Well, I can guarantee you that this will be the best date _you've_ ever been on."

"Why's that?"

"Because it's with me," he jokes, smirking.

Chris' eyes soften and a lazy smile scrawls across his face. "I know."

Josh rolls his eyes. "Chris, I was kidding."

"I wasn't."

Josh goes scarlet at this sweet sentiment. "Jesus, cheesy much?"

"You love it," Chris grins, opening the door for Josh to pass through. "I see right through you, Washington."

"Yeah. Yeah."

It's only about a twenty minute drive from Josh's house to the orchard, and they pass the time by listening to whatever peppy pop songs come up on the radio. Chris has one hand on the wheel and the other in Josh's. Josh looks out the window at the passing scenery. The leaves are just starting to change and it makes Josh smile. Fall has always been his favorite season for all the typical reasons that everyone else loves fall: leaves changing their colors, the slight chill in the air, Halloween, it becoming socially acceptable to wear big sweaters again. And for the first time, Josh gets to spend his favorite season in the world with his favorite person in the world as his boyfriend.

Josh smiles even wider at this thought. He looks over at Chris, who is currently singing, er, screeching his lungs out to "Stay" by Alessia Cara, bopping his head along to the melody.

_This is the man I choose to love_ , Josh thinks, grinning.

No, that wasn't quite what it was. He didn't choose to fall in love with Chris, it just happened. It was honestly impossible for Josh _not_ to have fallen in love with Chris. Everything about Chris was exactly what Josh had always wanted in a man and now? Now, he gets to be with him.

Wow.

Josh brings Chris' hand up to his lips and presses a kiss to the back of it. Chris looks at Josh and smiles. "What was that for?"

"For being with me."

Chris smiles even wider and gives Josh a quick peck on the cheek back, still keeping his eyes on the road.

"Yeah, you're pretty lucky," Chris grins, obviously kidding.

"I am."

Chris looks back to Josh again. "Hey, that was sweet! You're getting better at this!"

Josh leans his head on Chris' shoulder.  "I'm learning from the best."

When they arrive at the orchard, Chris gives ten dollars to the worker who in turn gives them a plastic bags to collect apples with. They head out into the field, strolling hand-in-hand through the rows of apples. The bottom apples on the trees don't look the best so good, so they end up using a system where Josh gets on top of Chris' shoulders, grabbing the apples highest in the tree. Chris takes Josh around the orchard on his back, Josh wrapping his arms around Chris' chest. Josh inhales Chris' scent as they walk along. He can't quite place what the scent is, but it's comforting. Chris is comforting.

After a few hours have passed, they sit themselves down under the biggest tree in the orchard. Chris props himself up with both hands leaning on the ground behind him and Josh leans into him, snuggling his head into Chris' chest. The ghostly moon shines down onto the small pond they're seated across from. It's a little colder tonight than they thought it'd be, but that's fine. Chris takes off one of his many layers (his dark blue parka) and lays it over both of them. The two don't say anything; they just stare out at the pond, both feeling so content.

"Hey, Chris?" Josh says, finally breaking the pleasant silence.

"Yeah, babe?"

"Thank-you for everything," Josh starts. "For always being there for me and h-helping me after I came back. I don't know if I would've been able to get better if it wasn't for you." 

"Of course, Josh," Chris replies, pressing a kiss into Josh's curls. "I'm so glad you came back. I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't come back. I wouldn't have been able to be with you and... well, I can't think about that."

Josh's stomach jumps slightly at the idea of telling Chris what he's wanted to for a while now. He's known for a while how he feels about Chris but the thought of actually telling him is terrifying. What if he didn't feel the same? Well, Josh knows that he more than likely does, but that doesn't mean that his anxiety won't put little nagging thoughts into the back of his mind that make him petrified of telling Chris how he really feels.

"Chris," Josh says, sitting up and turning around to face Chris.

Chris has a lazy smile on his face. "What's up?"

Josh takes a deep breath and starts to speak when Chris interrupts. "Josh, look!"

Chris points out across the lake and notices the little blips of light flashing around the lake.

"Fireflies!" Chris enthuses. He stands up and looks in amazement out at the water. Plastered on his face is one of the biggest and happiest grins Josh has ever seen. Chris deserves to feel like this all the time; happy. He deserves the happiest life he can possible have.

Josh's heart falls.

And Josh can't give that to him.

He's so fucked up and who knows when he'll be completely better, if that'll even ever happen.

Chris deserves someone who can give him a life of happiness and joy.

_I can't do that for him._

That's why Josh needs to do this. He feels tears prickle in his eyes and he tries to swallow the growing lump in his throat.

"C-Chris?" Josh stammers.

Chris spins around, the same smile still on his face. "Yeah?"

"We need to break up." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I'm an asshole.


	9. Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been a while for this one guys! :P again kinda short but what can ya do

"What did you just say?"

Josh swallows the growing lump in his throat. "W-We need to break up, Chris."

Chris furrows his brow and shakes his head, walking back towards Josh. "Josh, what are you talking about? Why would we break up?"

Josh's eyes flood with tears. "Because I don't want to put you through this."

"Put me through what?" Chris asks, taking one of Josh's hands in his. Josh wants to turn away from Chris, but he just can't. He stares at his boots instead of removing his hand from Chris', which is what he knows he should do. He doesn't say a word. "Josh, come on. Talk to me! You can't just say that we need to break up and not give me any explanation!" Chris grips Josh's arms and squeezes. 

"Chris, you don't want this." 

"Want what?!" 

"Me." 

Chris looks at him incredulously and shakes his head again. "Josh, of course I want you. Why wouldn't you think I do?" 

"Well, no, that's not what I... you might think that you want me, but you don't want all my baggage." Josh tries to think of how to phrase this to convey what he needs to. "I mean, everything that's so fucked up with me. And that's a lot, Chris. I mean, you've seen me once? Maybe twice when it's been really bad? I mean, you don't want this, everything that's wrong with me. 

"There's gonna' be days when it's bad, really bad!" Josh exclaims, dropping Chris' hand and turning away finally from Chris. "It won't be all horror movies and apple picking! It'll be me up at 3:00 AM crying and puking my guts out from nightmares and anxiety, while you can't help me. It'll be me screaming and breaking down because of absolutely nothing that for some reason sets me off. 

"It...it's something that you don't want to deal with Chris. And down the road, if we move in together or something, every night you'll be dealing with nightmares and night terrors at all hours of the night! You don't want this-" 

Chris grabs Josh's arm and turns him around. Before, Chris' face was a mixture of confusion and slight anger. Now, a look of empathy and affection has taken over. Chris pulls Josh close and presses a long, deep kiss to Josh's forehead. Josh chokes back a sob as Chris does this. After Chris finishes the kiss, Chris cups Josh's face in his hands and look deep into the the tear-filled eyes of his boyfriend. 

"Josh, listen to me. Okay?" Chris starts. "Don't you dare think that every single second we spend together isn't absolutely my favorite thing in this entire world. I don't care what we're doing or what's happening. I wouldn't rather be anywhere else when I'm with you and there's nothing that I'd rather be doing. Okay? 

"And I don't want you to ever think that you're a burden to me. You are the complete opposite of a burden. Josh, you're a gift to me that I never knew that I so desperately wanted and needed. I  _can't_  imagine my life with you. You've made me such a better person just because of who you are. I look at who you are and I'm just in awe. I'm literally in awe of every single part of you. You're the strongest and bravest person I have ever met.

"I mean, who else can lose half their family, get kidnapped by a fucking Wendigo, left for dead in a dark and dank mine, get possessed by a  _different_  Wendigo, get rescued and then go through a Native American exorcism, and want to keep going and living? That takes freaking guts, man. I know I couldn't do what you're doing, Josh. I know that for a fact. That just shows me how fucking strong you are. And it inspires me. 

"So, I guess, what all that means, if you need a summary, would be that, yes. Yes, I do want to be with you, Josh. You're everything that I've ever wanted and I don't think that I could bare to lose you a second time. When you're spiraling and breaking down, I want to be there for you. I want to help calm you down and make you feel better. It's the least I could do for you for giving me everything I've ever wanted and also making me the happiest I've ever been. And I mean that. I've never been more genuinely happy when then I'm with you.

"Josh, I don't care if you're going to have bad days. Everyone has bad days! I do, too! I know that yours will be different than mine and more intense, obviously, but that doesn't make me love you any less." 

"What?" 

Chris seems to realize what he's said as his eyes widen. After a beat, his eyes soften. "I love you, Josh." 

Josh's eyes tear up once more, but this time for an entirely different reason. "I l-love you, too, Chris." 

"That's fucking awesome, Washington."

Chris crashes his lips onto Josh's and pulls him close against his chest. Chris seems to want to show Josh just how much he really means to him with his tongue and lips.

Josh isn't complaining. 

Josh sucks on Chris' bottom lip, softly biting down and sliding it between his teeth. He runs his tongue along Chris's lips and Chris lets out a sigh of pleasure. Chris slides his tongue into Josh's mouth, and Josh moans softly in reply, feeling incredible. Josh thrusts his skinny fingers into Chris' hair, grabbing and twisting the blonde locks. Chris has his hands on Josh's waist, fingers pressing into the soft skin above his hipbones. Josh takes one hand from Chris' hair and places it on his cheek, rubbing small little circles with his thumb on Chris' jaw. Josh wants nothing more than this. Forever. 

The two stand there for who even knows how long before they part. When they finally do this, Josh looks at Chris. "You really meant all that?" 

"Every single word." 

Josh gives Chris the biggest smile at hearing his words. Josh grins. "I guess you're pretty okay, too."   
  
  



End file.
